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Someday my sleep patterns will return to normal. Maybe not. Regardless:

I got all inspired by doug stanhope and rewrote the text on the security edition home page. It’s probably too on the nose, but I sure do like it.

Doug Stanhope. Holy toledo.

The Bill of Rights – Security Edition:

The First Ten Amendments to the Constitution of the United States of America, printed on each side of a sturdy, playing-card-sized, pieces of metal.

Highlighted in red is the extremely controversial fourth amendment; the “search and seizure” amendment, which makes much of law enforcement so dificult. The Bill of Rights – Security Edition is available for purchase as a Single Card, the Trinity Pack of Three Cards or the wildly popular Five Card Frequent Flier Pack.

You may take the Bill of Rights – Security Edition with you the next time you travel by air. When directed to, however, please cooperate with the courageous men and women of the TSA, and quickly toss your rights in the convenient plastic bin provided for your use at no extra charge. Please do not hold up the line and delay other passengers. It’s best for you and your fellow citizens if you listen closely and follow instructions. Once you’ve been searched and cleared by the busy agents, your rights will be returned to you.

If the rights are somehow misplaced or confiscated, please be aware of other travelers behind you who may want to get to their gate and would appreciate your haste. The faster you get through the security checkpoint, the more time you may have to have a cocktail at the airport bar and watch the game or discuss politics. You chose to travel with the Bill of Rights – Security Edition. Any difficulty you are having was brought upon by yourself. You can’t expect to be treated any differently than anyone else. It wouldn’t be fair. Remember: it’s the sense of collective cooperation and camraderie which defines true citizenship in our great country.

These are dangerous times and safety is the number one priority of your Democratic and Republican leaders.