I went to the New Beverly Theater, three blocks from my youth and hope, to talk before a screening of Rockula. I did not anticipate that the people who came to see the movie were actually people who liked my work. I figured they’d be there ironically or to give me a hard time because that’s what everyone else does.
Someone actually called me on it. “You’re kicking my puppy, dude.” and he was right. I did own up to it… I was poo-pooing my work before anyone else could so as to protect myself. I guess I’ve been around people who took that stuff for granted and I believed their anti-hype instead of owning the fact that there really are people who don’t give a fuck that I’m not with a big agency like CAA or ICM or William Morris anymore. They were kids when I was in the show bizness.
I mean, I didn’t completely fall on my sword, but I didn’t need to even bring the sword out. They were excited enough to see Rockula, that they went to see it at Midnight in L.A.
I’d met the guy who I did the QyA with in Napa at a SpamScam shoe. He introduced himself as my biggest fan and I’d signed a Ski School poster for him. When Phil, the guy running the New Bev, mentioned that the guy who was going to do the QyA was from up north and was my biggest fan, I knew exactly who it was. Very cool.
It’s weird. They’re a little ironic. He said they’re post ironic. He screens movies in SF that are similar in scope to some of the stuff I’ve done but really loves them. I really hope I’m not a joke. Man, that would suck.
Showbiz seems to have fucked me up. Though, I suppose that happens in any career one is passionate about. I bet doctors get fucked up about being doctors. I know they do.
I suppose I’m lucky that I had a career that I was passionate about for so long that I was recognized for.
Could be worse. It could be Marmaduke. Or Avatar. Cynical bullshit that people are making so they can buy shit. Fucking Marmaduke.
What a bunch of assholes. Only a real asshole cuntshit would be proud of Marmaduke.
“Yeah, I’ve always had a vision of dogs and cats doing a synchronized dance in a park.”
Kill yourself you fucking cynical studio executive. And you, Owen Wilson, you should be ashamed of yourself. Lazy bitch.
I know they’re justifying it to themselves. “Hey, I can’t help what people want to see. The studio is making Marmaduke and they’ve offered me all this money. It’s going to be in theaters. I need to be in theaters.”
Asshole. Fucking Marmaduke.
“…and then, see, Marmaduke causes all this mayhem in the park on the day the guy has got to impress his boss…”
“…oh, beautiful!! hilarious… i can see it now… hey, how about some cgi? he talks, right?”
“what? oh, yeah,um, of course!!! he talks… yeah!”
“I just had a meeting with Fergie’s people… how about her as Marmaduke’s love interest? That blue eyed peas can do a rap song at the end. We can get it on phones. kids eat that shit up, like a dog eats its own puke.”
“Fucking genius!! We’re going to have Avatar sucking dog dick!!!”
“Fuck yeah. We’ll take out an ad monday after opening: AVATAR SUCKS BIG FAT DOG COCK!!!”
“HEY. READY? …THE DOGS DANCE IN THE PARK!!! TO A FERGIE SONG OR SOMETHING. NO! SOMETHING UPBEAT AND HOT!!! MAYBE OVER THE CREDITS. OR JUST PUT IT IN THE GOD DAMNED TRAILER!!!”
“…SUCK MY DOG COCK, BUDDY, GREEN LIGHT THAT SHIT, BABY! HEY, JAMES CAMERON, MARMADUKE HAS A LIPSTICK!!!! MARMADUKE HAS A LIPSTICK!!!”
William H. Macy tells himself that it’s a studio picture and that he can take that money and go back to Chicago and do some more theater. Or he has a house payment. Or something. “Hey, they’re gonna fuckin’ make the fuckin’ movie, right? I’m not getting a million bucks doing Mamet, that’s for sure… They’re making it whether I’m in it or not. Fuck it. So I do a talking dog movie. It’ll be fun working with Owen. Well, maybe I’ll see him at the screening. Ah… fuck it, A million bucks is a million bucks. Now that Felicity’s not bringing in… Hell, it’ll be nice to take the kids to see it… A million bucks. What the hell.”
And I can’t get a fucking agent. What a bunch of fucking assholes. Truly. You people making Marmaduke should kiss a dog’s lipstick.