So, ed I’m at the dog park with my dog, seek Big Daddy, and I’m listening to Wilco on my iPod and generally minding my own business as does Big Daddy. She is remarkably like me.
She gets very excited to go to the dog park to be around other dogs but when she gets there, she just wanders around on her own and seems a bit annoyed that the other dogs are there. If we go when there are no dogs, she seems bummed. Sorta like me and people. Okay. Lotsa like me and people.
There are about 10 dogs there, running around and playing. Being dog like.
There are often dog fights at the dog park and on the rare occasion that Big Daddy gets in one, I’m never too concerned because dogs, well, they fight. They’re stupid dogs. People get very upset when their dogs are attacked by other dogs, and I get that way, too, but mostly dog fights are just little scrapes where a dog growls, then they wrestle and yelp and the owners pull them apart. The dogs go on their merry ways, almost immediately forgetting that the fight happened. It’s the owners who get all stupid. You gotta let it go. The dogs do.
Oh that my dog had gotten in a fight. My life would be so much better right now.
So…. I’m walking along and this pit bull runs up to me and jumps up on me. Now. The first thing I trained Big Daddy NOT to do is jump up on people. And she doesn’t. The way you keep a dog from jumping up on you is pushing your knee out and yelling “NO”, which is what I did, but the dog jumped higher than my knee and beaned me in the head with its really, really, really hard pitbull head. Since I’m an actor, I managed to get my hand between the dog’s head and my face, but the dog’s head made contact with my hand which made very intense contact with my mouth.
Within the split seconds, I realized that the dog was a pit bull and that this could be very, very bad. I was scared, pissed and disoriented and the dog was now on the other side of me and coming back at me so I did what anyone would do (I thought) and kicked it really hard so it wouldn’t attack me. The dog yelped and ran away. Good.
Walking away, extremely pissed off and assessing myself to see if I was bleeding from my mouth where the dogs head made contact and also looking to see if the dog was coming back for me. It wasn’t. I didn’t want to have any contact with the owner because:
a. I didn’t want to deal with someone apologizing about their stupid dog jumping up on me because I was so pissed that it did. Especially because it was a pit bull. I know most pit bulls are sweet, but it only takes one to fuck up your life.
b. I was so mad that someone would be irresponsible enough to have a Pit Bull running around jumping up on people, especially as there was a little kid there.
Well.. I was in for quite a surprise. I start heading back to my car and I hear someone screaming at me. I pull my headphones out and the lady who owns the dog is screaming at me: “I WANT ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION IN CASE YOU DID ANY DAMAGE TO MY DOG!!!”
Unbelievable. Unfuckingbelievable. “Your dog jumped up on me and…”
“I WANT YOUR INFORMATION. YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE. I’M WRITING DOWN YOUR LICENSE PLATE TAG BECAUSE YOU JUST ABUSED AN ANIMAL!!!”
“Your dog jumped up on me and hit me in the fucking head, lady.”
“YOU’RE IN A DOG PARK!!!”
“Yes and you shouldn’t have a dog who jumps on people.”
She pulls out her phone and begins angrily dialing.
“ARE YOU GOING TO STAY AND WAIT FOR THE COPS?!?!”
“My dog doesn’t jump on people. I trained my dog not to jump on people.”
“YOUR DOG IS OLD!”
“Yeah… and…? What if your dog jumped on that kid over there?”
“THERE AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE KIDS HERE!!!”
“Maybe go tell the boy’s parent that they should leave so your dog can jump….”
“YOU DON’T KNOW WHO I AM! YOU DON’T KNOW JUST WHO I AM!??!”
“No, I don’t… who are you?”
“I AM AN ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER AND YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!!!”
If I was as fast as I think I am and should be I would’ve said something about her inability to control her animal. She mentioned something about the dog being a puppy and being in obedience classes and I mentioned something about finding a better obedience class or something.
She kept aksing for my drivers license, which was in my wallet in the car. I call my dog and head out, she gets her boyfriend to try to act tough and follow me out, which he does. I realize he thinks I’m trying to “escape” so I calmly say “I’m gonna write my info down for you.”
I put Big Daddy in the car. I found a thing from my vet addressed to my po box and wrote my eFax # on it and gave it to the tough acting boyfriend.
“Can I see your drivers license?”
“No. All the info you need is right there. There’s my phone. That’s my vet’s #. That’s where you can contact me.”
“You’re not going to wait around?”
“No. No I’m not.”
And I left. I don’t think he wrote down my license plate number because he didn’t have a pen.
Why do I feel like I did something wrong and that I’m going to get in trouble?
Oh, I know. Because I’m dealing with an irrational animal person who thinks her dog should be able to jump on people.
Motherfuckers. I’m so fucking pissed. Motherfuck.