when i was a stupid young hippie actor, hemorrhoids i thought that the term “the mauling of america” was so fucking clever. get it? the united states is being turned into one big fucking mall. everything’s the same; we’re doomed to homogeny.

what we overlook when we say shit like “it’s sad when people in small towns have the same stores we have in big cities” is how condescending (that means “talk down to”) and classist that is.

when i was a kid (listen up, you little ones!) in oklahoma, there was stuff they had in california that we couldn’t get. food, clothes, stuff like that. the stuff they had in santa barbara was better. that’s it. it was just better stuff. and we didn’t have it. and it was only 1400 miles away. i’d visit my dad in santa barbara in the summers and they had cooler shit. better record stores. better supermarkets. better movie theaters. norman had a good barbecue place. okay. neat.

but the hippies think that little towns are “charming” with their one shitty restaurant and “local” fruits and vegetables. and it is charming when you’re driving through the little town; it’s not charming when you’re living there. it sucks. it sucks so bad you can’t believe it. and since the people who live there aren’t rich, middle class hippies like you and me, they can’t just move to where the cool stuff is.

and yes, they can co-exist. if the place is good and serves yummy food, it will survive.

oh boy did i just go off on a libertarian rant? odd.

so, while in minnesota, one must visit the mall of america. the largest mall in the world. and it is fucking large. there are three rollercoasters in the middle of it. rollercoasters. plus a bunch of other rides.

jessie bet me $5 that they had at least 5 starbucks. sadly, there were only two. ah well. i win five bucks!

the place is insanely large. i mean, you know, it’s the largest mall in the world. there are three floors of mall stores in an oval around the middle “theme park” area. the theme being “puke up that hot dog on a stick, churro and pretzel”, i suppose.

i guess they had every mall store you could have because there were a couple of Gaps. So what that means to me is that they had to start from 1 again. every franchise ever created was represented, but they had even more space so they called the Gap and said “we’ve got another 3000 square feet… you want ’em?”

it’s divided in to north, south, east and west. if you are a mall walker (i saw at least one!), you should be in great shape. it has to be at least a quarter mile around. maybe more. dunno. it’s amazing.

we only made the first floor. that’s how big it is.

we will be going back.

there is a light rail train that runs from downtown minneapolis to the mall of america. it only takes about 30-45 minutes. pretty fucking cool, people.

so that’s what we did on our day off. i made it back in time to catch 45 minutes of kickboxing.

penn gets in tomorrow and we’re going to the mini-soda state fair. it’s the largest fair in the country, i think. maybe i’m wrong. but i think it is.

then, wednesday, he watches me mangle his play.

jessie gave me a great note the other day that i’d forgotten about: carl doesn’t hate himself as much as i hate myself. it changed everything. i’d totally forgotten that part. carl is a happy guy.

speaking of isolated and lonely. i feel isolated and lonely here. and that’s with my wife here. wait until she leaves.


i realized that today is the final day of the fringe in edinburgh. man. maybe it’s just august. wherever i am at the end of august i get bummed out. summer is ending, after all, and that’s my favorite time of the year.


well. at least the play is in good shape. really good. jen is killing. the re-write on scene six has made it much easier to navigate. it’s still a difficult scene, but difficult in the good way.


the mall of america sure is a neat place.