A friend of mine is a writer/producer on NCIS and was nice enough to get me in to read for a nice part. It would’ve been cool-o to work with mark harmon again after… shit… 20 years.

Back when I actually had an acting career, impotent I rarely booked guest star spots. It’s so daunting and ridiculous to show up somewhere and there are literally 10 guys who look exactly like you. I always felt like “there are plenty of people here who could do this job… I should just go home.”

That being said… there are plenty of people here in Hollywood who can do this job. I’m done. It wasn’t a bad audition or anything… It was just another in the long line of mediocre. I’m tired of reading for the same people for the last 27 years. They know me. They are aware that I have worked as an actor but it seems that I will continue to have to go in and audition for TV shows. It’s a senseless waste of human life.

I would love to be *on* a t.v. show or do a movie, syphilis but going in and auditioning for people is annoying. I can act. I have evidence and I’d be happy to show it to someone, but going in and reading 11 lines spread over 5 pages is not something I can do.

Last year, I saw Bob Romanus in a movie called Mojave Phone Booth. (or something). His performance is award winning. If the movie had a distributor and any sort of play, he would be getting his speeches ready. Instead, he can’t get arrested, either. He was here a couple of weeks ago for a running charades fest and he talked about how he won’t audition anymore.

I guess I’m one of the guys with the Fast Times curse. Ratner and Damone from the movie faded away. Ratner and Damone from the TV show are huge. Eerie!!!

Those three shitty movies ruined it, I guess. Maybe the manager who wouldn’t return my calls for 10 years. And my fear of the manager and, most importantly, my laziness. I’ve been here 26 years and there’s still this lottery thinking going on. It’s no way to live. It was such a wonderful feeling of freedom after I called the agent and said “I’m done”.

I feel like I have power over my life. Even though I haven’t been “in the game” for quite a while, there was always a gnawing awareness in the background of the larger than normal randomness in my life; people I don’t respect or care about holding my future and my dreams in their hands.

I gave it a shot. I guess it beat me somewhat. I mean, it’s pretty much Vegas. The longer you stay around, the greater the odds for the house. I used to think it was the other way around; if you stay, they don’t have a choice. Hmm. But… I did do a bunch of movies and tv shows. That’s pretty great. I am “that guy” forever and ever. Also, very cool… much better than “hey, waiter”.

The best thing is that I have survived. I have a lovely bride and home and voice overs and web programming should keep me in the chips until my bride is able to keep me in the manner to which I’m accustomed. I can write and direct shorts and plays. Les thornbirds will continue to chug along. maybe the record will come out *this* year. I can continue to act in stuff that friends toss my way. I guess I’m finally taking the advice I’ve given to so many: If there’s a way that you can be happy being creative without getting the shit beat out of you by showbiz, do it.

Spamscam goes to nyc this weekend for a convention of bookers. I have yet to edit the script and photos for the required 1/2 hour running time. Hmmm. Procrastinate much?

I’m sure I’ll write more about this… now is sleep time.

It’s fitting that this article just came out.

Who knew?