I’ve discovered that none of the lenders are there to help. It’s such a ridiculous process.

When someone aks me how much it will cost for me to code their stupid web site or something like that, sale I have an amount of money that I think is fair. It’s what I’m willing to work for and what I think the other person can afford. It’s not really negotiable. I want them to have all of the information so they can either use me or get someone else.

It’s like in a store when you look at a jacket, order there’s a price tag on it. Then you know how much the jacket costs. You don’t go to the clerk and aks how much the jacket costs and they say “Well, it depends…”

Yes, I am aware that in the evil fucked up shithole world of lending money to people who want to buy overpriced pieces of shit homes, it’s a bit different.

I’m not even going to aks why. It’s just how it is. Maybe someday some brave soul will say “Hey, why does it have to be like this?” but i’m too lazy.

But these motherfucking food eaters would leave large amounts of money off of the estimates. I don’t want any surprises. I would explain to them what I had.. what i was willing to spend and yet, they think that I can’t read the other estimates that are coming in and figure out “oh, hey, they left this fee off the estimate” and then I would add it back on and figure out that the price is nearly the same, give or take literally $50-$100. I told the liar who ended up going with “i may be a moron, but I’m not a complete moron”.

I’ve also realized that friends who want to help you with your loan don’t actually give a fuck and they don’t know what they’re fucking talking about. What they want to do is make themselves feel better about the rape they were subjected to by confusing you and making you feel bad about any decision you’re going to make. They just want to make themselves feel better. And they want you to think they are smart.

Every loan person you talk to and every friend who talks to you about loans wants you to understand that if you don’t do it their way, you are a fool who is being taken advantage of.

Well, my friends, anyone who is buying a house is being taken advantage of. They are not worth the money. You can not afford them. You will never own the house. Those days are over. Banks own the houses now. You just go from loan to loan. That is what life is now. Drifting ignorantly from loan to loan. So. Fuck you and your bullshit “get a good deal”. There is no good deal. You are now in debt for the rest of your life. How is that a good deal?

The tax break.

Suck my tater hole.


I’d had enough of these motherfucking food eaters and aksed the evil sag/aftra loan liar if she could match the loan the asshole at e-loan offered. she said stuff to me that didn’t matter to me about shit i don’t care about. i just want a small monthly payment. I am a human being. I can’t comprehend the future. If we could comprehend the future, we would be depressed all the time because the future only means pain and death. So, whatever is going to happen in the future with this loan doesn’t matter because we are fucked. I explained that to her and how I wanted a lower monthly payment and she said “oh, that makes sense”. See… she just wanted to show me how fucking smart she was and how stupid i am.

(by the way, the reason i didn’t go with the e-loan assmunch is because he
1. is a loan asshole. that’s a given.. but definitely worth mentioning.
2. talked really fast when “explaining” his magical rainbow unicorn loan
3. pressured me more than anyone else to “act now”.)

I then sent the following email to all of the other shitfucks.

Sorry to bother you. I had to move quickly and had been dealing with my credit union and, as none of this makes sense, and no one is straight with me anyway, I’m going to use them as my lender.

Here’s hoping I didn’t waste too much of your time.

And yes, I know that I made the wrong decision. Of course.

So, almost all of them, except for joe eloan, i actually gained some respect for the eloan guy because he didn’t beg., wrote back saying “i understand how frustrating it can be, but i am confident I am able to get you a better…”

It never ends. They never want it to end.

Then I get THREE calls from this other motherfucker. I am at work, (behind, because I’ve been on the phone for literally 2 hours, trying to get a guy out to look at the heating/air among other things,) so I press “ignore” on the phone so it will go to vm, but shitweasel keeps calling so I finally pick up and shitweasel starts talking like he’s my best buddy.

I am immediately reminded of that fucking mamet play and get this vision of this poor fuck who has probably been put on notice because he’s not a closer sitting in his cubicle with a big 5 written in sharpie on a piece of paper because he has to close 5 loans by the end of the year or he’s out on his ass and his wife and kids are forced to move to nevada to start blowing dogs for wine change.

So my best buddy is getting all best buddy on me. This is the guy who has left the most shit off of the estimates, by the way. “how were people not straight with you, man?”

“Well, you’ve got to be aware that people omit fees to bring down the total.. I just want a straight answer: how much will I have to pay each month. I know i’m never goign to get one. I know that I’m not going to know until I get that first payment slip and it’s not going to be less. I guarantee it’s not going to be less… right?”

“I’ll be straight with you. You’re frustrated… What sort of terms were you looking at with your credit union…?”

“I’ve been dealing with this shit and these fuckers for way too long and the reason i sent that email, which i sent to the shithead at the credit union, too, is so everyone knows that they should fuck off…”

he didn’t even pause. he just kept closing. ABC=always be closing

“Yeah, it’s a difficult process. My job is to make it easy for you…”

“I’m done. Like I said, I’m sure yours is the best deal ever and I’ve just made a horrible mistake, but I don’t care. You all win and I lose and that’s why everyone should fuck off… I’m at work and I’m behind because i’ve been on the phone for 2 hours. I appreciate that you’re still trying to sell me…”

“I hear your frustration and I’m not trying to sell you…”

“Thanks for calling… bye.”

And I hung up on him. one tiny, meaningless, miniscule victory as I’m dragged in to the ocean of shit.

Then the sag/aftra person called and, of course, informed me that she couldn’t actually give me the rate that she said she could. What a surprise, right? What a fucking surprise.

I said “Of course you can’t. Why would i expect anything to stay the same? You win. I lose. Just end this and do whatever you want.”

So in a couple of months we’ll pay some amount to live in our home. Pride of ownership.

It’ll be the best thing we ever did! Think of the tax break!