TSA Propaganda

this also appears on rationaldad.com

One of the things I’ve said many times on my Tantrum/Art Installation/Political Theater Project, information pills http://www.securityedition.com is that we, tablets as adults, this know that being searched everywhere we go is wrong and is completely antithetical to what “Being American” means, and yet our children are growing up in a world where going somewhere and being searched is a given. They are being trained, if you will, to believe that something is odd if there isn’t a search.

They are being taught to play that game that’s so popular now. The “IF I WERE A TERRORIST” game.

You hear people saying it if they go somewhere with large crowds and minimal to no security. “A terrorist could just walk in here and blow this place up.” Most recently, the Edward Snowden “controversy” has seen talk radio guys playing “IF I WERE A TERRORIST”. It goes a little something like this – hit it: “All a terrorist has to do is go somewhere like wikileaks and they have all the information they need to blah blah blah blah blow up blah…”

Propaganda like this article is a great way to get people to start thinking like good citizens. In fact, the article from the Orlando Sentinel says that “A survey of travelers conducted by Valencia College this year found 96 percent were satisfied or very satisfied with their TSA experience…”

Whoop De Frickin Do.

Here’s a rockin logical fallacy from a JetBlue exec:

“…airport officials should not fool themselves into thinking that a switch to a private company would magically make all the lines go away…”

That’s right, citizen. Your overlords know best for you. There is no reason for you to concern yourself with this important business. After all, it’s merely a minor inconvenience when compared to the possibility of the type of evil those big bad terrorists want to perpetrate. Remember: They hate our freedom!

Whew… got that out of my system.

Okay. Here’s some more from the article:

“Officers have discovered an average of about a gun a week so far this year, while checking 37,000 bags. Nineteen guns have been picked up this year, compared with 40 last year. That’s the highest number of guns found at any airport in the state.

During 2011, TSA officers confiscated almost 18,000 prohibited items, not including liquids, and referred 481 passengers to law enforcement, resulting in 57 arrests.”

Those 19 guns are the ones they’ve found, right? If you are human and understand there’s absolutely no way the extremely competent TSA has prevented every gun from being taken on an airplane, you must understand what that means: Guns have been taken on airplanes and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.

Do I think that guns should be allowed on airplanes? I don’t know. I’m just saying that guns have obviously been brought on airplanes and all is well. Even suggesting that guns should be allowed gives ME the shivers. And I’m a whackjob.

We’re raising our son to be respectful of others. Navigating those who have no respect for anyone is a difficult prospect, especially when those people have the ultimate power.

As you were, citizen. As you were. There’s nothing to see here.

Devastating Budget Cuts

Today I received email propaganda from my local congressperson about the “Devastating Budget Cuts” regarding the latest sky is falling brouhaha that’s going on in the city that shall not be named.

In the very same email, asthma he talked about how he opened two new offices.

I wrote him back congratulating him on being able to open two new offices in the face of “devastating budget cuts”.

One of those grandma lists

Here’s one of those lists that your grandmother sent you that first week she figured out email.

Without You, I Would Die

1. Without the USDA, Americans would be eating food laced with feces because farmers don’t know how to grow food, or “Big Agra” would force us to eat meat infested with the poop from genetically modified super-rats bred in a nuclear reactor.

2. Without the FAA, Boeing would have a monopoly on airplanes and all airlines would let drunken pilots fly rickety planes.

3. Without labor laws and labor unions, those planes would be manufactured in freezing (in winter) and sweltering (in summer) factories by 10 year child prostitutes earning fifty cents a week while their homeless, unemployed parents fought each other in the streets for coal and radiated rat meat.

4. Without the FCC, the lucky winner of a weekly child-porn-snuff-gameshow broadcast on a fundamentalist Christian pedophile network would be chosen to fly all of the nation’s airplanes.

5. Without the DOE, only the children of Wall Street and Wal-Mart executives would be allowed to attend schools where the curriculum would be crack-smoking, bible study and “non-whites are bad and lie about global warming” taught by anti-government Atheist Christian Islamic child molestors.

6. Without drug laws, labor laws and the FCC, Wal-Mart would force heroin and crack addicted children to compete in televised duels for the opportunity to be crack whores or pilot unsafe airplanes.

7. Without anti-trust laws, Wal-Mart would be the only store. Half of the year they would only sell products made from the skin, blood and hair of Pakistani children for 99 cents. The other six months prices would be raised so high, children would be forced to work as greeters. And prostitutes.

8. Wthout the FDA, “Big Pharma” would manufacture diseases and sell useless, treatments no one could afford at the Wal-Mart pharmacy.

9. Without welfare, “Big Business” will forbid charity and “the poor” would die on your doorstep while you sit in your mansion masturbating to the 24 hour Ayn Rand television channel.

10. Withouth the DOE and teacher’s unions, teachers would be unemployed. Any existing teachers would be shot at by all of the cancerous heroin addicted children issued guns by “big gun” at Wal-Mart.

11. Without the Department of the Interior, roads would only be availble to rich white people and would be paved over the poor using the bones of the aged as filler.

12. Without the TSA, planes would explode upon departure, or landing, depending on the in-flight movie.

13. Without the FAA, airlines would conspire to every plane that didn’t crash arrive 2 hours late. All meals would contain e-coli.

14. Without ‘the government’ there would be no firefighters or police. Only rich white men would have protection, mainly because they would be the only people with roads.

15. Without labor laws, women’s job interviews would consist of gang-rape conducted by Wall Street and Wal-Mart executives. The handicapped would be kicked in the teeth and mocked during skits at company picnics. Lots of general rape, no lunches and the term ‘work week’ would be replaced by ‘work month’.

16. Without minimum wage laws, employers (Wal-Mart) would throw a twenty dollar bill into a room every month and laugh as employees fought to the death for pay. The winning employee would then be fined twenty-five dollars for damages and raped if female.

17. Without a strong U.S. military presence in every country in the world, those countries without a strong U.S. military presence would be plagued by war.

18. Without Social Security, you will sit in your house watching snuff movies while your grandmother dies on your doorstep.

19. Without an enormous percentage of the budget going towards “defense” the word “defense” would mean “defense”.

20. Without tough, tough, tough, tough drug laws, everyone would be high all the time; especially children because of the forced prostitution to pay for their parents’ drugs.

21. Without the FDA, “big pharma” would never innovate and make bloated, unrealistic claims about their products and there would be not be one effective medication and we would die from eating radiation poop pork in exploding aircraft piloted by children, sick and dying from their bullet injuries and child porn rapes.

22. Without the FDA, shady supplement and quack medicine manufacturers could make bloated, unrealistic claims about their products. Oh. Wait.

Now I Understand

I’m trying to understand this:

In 2008, look the wise, progressive and super-smart voters of California, voted AGAINST gay marriage and FOR Barack Obama.

In 2012, the cousin-fucking, retarded, banjo-playing idiots of North Carolina voted AGAINST gay marriage.

In 2012, the president of the United States voiced his support for gay marriage. May ninth, 2012. Not when he was campaigning. Not when he was a community organizer. Never before in his public life has our current president ever said “Yeah, people who love each other should be treated like everyone else by the government. They should be able to get a permit from the government to… um… love each other… or something. They should be treated equally.”

He said this today. In 2012. The first time.

But the people in North Carolina who decided to vote are ignorant, cousin-fucking retards and our 49 year old president is a hero because at 49, he has said in public that everyone should be treated equally.

Please explain this to me. I am not getting this.

Today’s Two Minutes of Hate: The Voters of North Carolina. Let’s all scream at them at the top of our Facebook lungs for two minutes, shall we?

My newest crush

People like me who support Ron Paul have now been completely marginalized by the media. We are a punchline to a joke told while laughing behind hands, mind right? The arguments for liberty and freedom are met with “get real” at the least and “you’re a racist” at the most.

So today, information pills Scott Horton, cystitis (my newest man-crush from antiwar.com & antiwar radio) while talking about how Rachel Maddow is a fool and a shill for our most recent demagogue dipshit president in a long line of demagogue dipshit presidents summed up exactly what this marginalization of Ron Paul will cost us:

With Romney “chosen” as the candidate of “the right”, Obama will happily try to OUT-HUEVO Romney. “I’m a badass, too, motherfuckers!!” Obama will now be running to the right on war and gleefully claim that he is just as tough as Romney and has no problem sending troops in anywhere someone so much as looks angrily at an American flag.

The war begun by the previous demagogue is going on a decade, right? No sign of letting up. A friend of mine who was way into the attack on Iraq has a son who is going to be able to serve in another ten years. It’s a frighteningly short 16 years until Duncan is eligible to “serve his country”.

So yeah, you got to ‘make history’ somehow and elect someone who has no moral center. Clinton, who would say and do anything to get elected at least had a point of view. Obama’s only point of view is to stay in power. Good. You got him. He’ll have another term.

Meanwhile, the guy who ran on a platform of silliness like peace, personal responsibility and inalienable rights is a fool and a racist.

Let’s roll!

enron II – electric boogaloo

Thanks to Hernan on myfriendfacespacebookster, more about and his superior search skills, location of the Enron commercial I did has been, um, located.

See how happy I am to be getting paid to spout principles I actually believe. Also, moving my head around like Clooney on Ecstasy.

Oh, Enron… why were you such awful bastards?

[youtube wl4wmySxuQA]

Funny audition story about this gig, too. Was supposed to wear a suit. It was summer. Over 90f. I wore shorts and a t-shirt. When the CD said “tell me about yourself” I said “oh, man *that* question… Fuck, I don’t know… I’m an unemployed actor trying to get a gig on a commercial… what else?”

I think it was almost three months later when I got the call.

The technique never worked again. I tried.

“Dean, can you tell me about the audition today? What happened in there?”

Five Days of Evil!!! Day Two!!!!

Commercials, look commercials, try commercials…

As I stopped at 7-11, shop a clip of Nancy Pelosi saying that her “favorite word” is “The Word.”

They laughed *at* her and started getting goofy.

Coincidentally, there was a woman in line ahead of me at 7-11 aksing if everything was kosher. Literally.

When I finally got out with my coffee… Things on the show had devolved (get it?) to someone playing the clip of Nancy Pelosi and someone else acting like they were being tortured by it and vomiting. I think it was Beck, but I couldn’t be sure. I guess that’s mean. But they seemed to be making fun of themselves. But I guess you could say they were being really mean to Nancy Pelosi by acting like listening to her talk made them vomit.

Saying that the most important word is “The Word” seems really, really, really religious, right? And she’s the big democrap, right? If she’s serious, it’s wacky religious at it’s worst and if she’s trying to scare up support, it’s cynical pandering that shows a deep lack of respect for religion, right?

A friend of mine said that the thought of Sarah Palin makes her physically ill. I guess it’s the same thing, right?

So those two wrongs equal what? Two wrongs… right!

Five Days of Evil!!!!

My old friend, sick Penn Jillette, stomach was featured in this article in Vanity Fair. Which puts a cap on a few weeks of really fascinating “Glenn Beck is Evil” conversations I’ve been having.

Apparently, if you don’t HATE GLENN BECK BECAUSE HE IS THE DEBIL!!!! it means you are some kind of right-wing-evil-type-person.

A guy at work sneers at me because I mentioned that I actually LISTENED TO AN AUDIO BOOK BY THE EVIL GLENN BECK!!! And, since I didn’t listen to it to confirm to myself that GLENN BECK IS THE DEBIL AND EATS CHILDREN!!!! it means that I want to LOVE GLENN BECK AND THE JUNK BENEATH HIS FUNNY UNDERWEARSS!!!!

Butt seriassly. I don’t care about glenn beck at all. I think that he has become shorthand for “right wing wacko reactionary nutjob” and was, until BP took over, “two minutes of hate” for many people. I wrote about him once before and I find the whole thing truly fascinating.

I don’t get it, really. A friend has sent me clips of Beck’s tv show where he cries. There are also clips of him contradicting himself and also saying outrageous things. It’s not like he promised to end the war or close gitmo and then backed off on that, but I guess he says really outrageous stuff. A guy on t.v. saying outrageous stuff?!? No way!!!

But, because I don’t really care enough to watch his show, I um… don’t watch his show. The guy loves the jebus and I don’t care for that so much, so if I’m going to watch the child killing network (fox) I’m going to watch the John Stossel show, because he’s not a republicrat… he’s a Libertarian and that’s how I roll.

I listened to a Glenn Beck audio book (which I downloaded illegally by the way) because I wanted to hear the evil that everyone was talking about. I didn’t hear any evil stuff. It was written a few years ago, I think, so maybe it was pre-evil. There was a bit of religion, yep, and I have gotten used to replacing any talk of religion with a droning Gmaj chord. Mainly, it was limited government stuff with your basic republican fucking up of the concept of limited government. “Keep government out of our lives… except for gay people and immigrants!!!” which is not limited government. It’s the republican line.

I don’t have enough time to watch the glenn beck t.v. show. But, I do have XM radio and I do have my 10-15 minute drive to the subway each morning on my way to work so… this week, I’m devoting 10 minutes in the morning to listening to the grandmother-eating-nazi you know as Glenn Beck and I’m going to write up a brief summary each day of what he talked about and how evil it was.

There is a point on the way where I stop at 7-11 to get the greatest coffee ever made.

Monday, June 21
I tuned in to the middle of an interview with a senate candidate from Utah… I think. Beck didn’t seem to agree with him about a prescription drug bill that had been passed. I think the candidate was a republican. The candidate said that the system was broken and small steps need to be implemented. Beck’s position was that the small steps were just making it worse. As I was heading in to 7-ll, I think I missed some talk about religion but it was over by the time I got back in to my car. As was the interview.

After the interview, Beck said that he didn’t want to have any more candidates on his show because he felt like some of his listeners might consider his opinion an endorsement and he didn’t want that to happen as the interviews were short and that was usually the only information he had about the candidate.

Then, he and his co-hosts talked about the enumerated powers of the united states constitution.

Then, I was confronted with about 20 bazillion people heading downtown for a parade. That seemed worse than anything glenn beck said on his show WHILE I WAS LISTENING.

Maybe tomorrow, he’ll say something racist and horrible. Today, it was a lot of enumerated powers. I guess, if you hate him, you could say that he was being arrogant about how much power he had over his listeners, but it seemed to me that he was aware of that and was trying to not come off as someone who has a lot of power over his listeners, which I’m sure he does.

An important reminder

Neither Conan O’brien nor Jay Leno give a fuck about you.

It’s worth thinking about for a minute.

The same way you might want to think about how little the guys on “your team” think about you before your week is ruined by “your team’s” performance in “the finals”.

That’s all.

NuBoobs != NuMetal

No, stomatology I’m not Jada Pinko Smith and the Wicked Lester or Jester numetal band.

Comedy from the Golf Movie:


I owe a write-up of “TAM7 – The Luckiest Tam” and will get right on that.

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