I quit… no, really..
After a bit of discussion, I signed on to play a sadistic plastic surgeon in this movie:
http://thegolfmovie.com/
It should be very fun. An old friend, Drew Rosenberg, is directing and I get to write off all my trips to the driving range and such. Yep, my golf will keep children from getting medicine! Yay!
Speaking of sports… I really hate sports. Following a team… thinking they give a fuck about you… Fighting with people because of bullshit. And… soccer riots. Hockey riots. Basketball riots. Football riots. Really dumb.
But, I sure like playing tennis.
I played back in the high school. Tournaments, “the team”, all of that. I haven’t played, more than a couple of times, since 1980. That’s why I decided to join the Los Angeles city league and begin playing matches against people who do play all the time.
About a month ago, the first time I hit a ball with another person was, literally, my first match. And, since I’ve spent most of the year in a blue funk, I’ve um… put on some weight and was out of shape. So, the first two matches I played, I was remembering how to play and I was winded and in pain, so I forfeited the matches. Then, I played someone else when I was sick and forfeited that one, too.
And it brought back all of the stuff I used to go through in my head about winning and losing and hurting someone’s feelings… really nuts. But I was finally able to let all of that crap go and won two matches last week.
It’s pretty cool. My body is staging a bit of a mutiny. At least my right knee, wrist and elbow. Ice is my friend.
Yeah, playing bass, web programming and tennis. It’s good for the tendons. Oh yeah.
Voice activated computing is going to come along at just about the right time, me thinks.
Speaking of voice. The bride and I got the jesusphone.
Pretty damned cool. Yep.
ONEOFUS!
odd comment dot com
Awhile ago, I figured that if I was going to end up as a one hit wonder, which I’m still not resigned to being, I might as well figure some way to tastefully cash in on it.
I like developing web stuff with Colin Summers and I like talking about myself. Hmmm…
There are lots of movies out there which will never be released on dvd with a bunch of fancy extras, especially audio commentary. It’s just not worth it to a studio. But… there are always going to be people who are a little bit interested in something someone has to say about their favorite movie.
I’m thinking of folks like Steve Buscemi or Eric Stoltz or Kyle Maclachlan… guys who have done a shitload of movies that people love but the movies never got the kind of attention they deserved.
Who knows, “Bodies, Rest and Motion” may be someone’s favorite movie and they’d pay a buck and a half to download an audio commentary. Maybe Ski School II. We’ll certainly see, won’t we?
Which brings me to:
It’s got that nifty interCap thing that all the web 2.0 kids are using. On the other hand, it uses real words… which may be a strike agin’ it.
Right now, there are a total of one OddComment commentaries to download. Wouldn’t you know it… Summer School. Go figure.
Patrick Labyorteaux, Richard Horvitz and I got together and watched the movie and talked about it. If you’re interested, purchase and download the commentary, pop in your DVD, when the Paramount logo is visible, start the audio. It’s similar to the method of watching The Wizard of Oz and listening to The Dark Side of the Moon.
I’m hoping to add a few more of the things I’ve done fairly soon. It’s a pain in the butt wrangling creative types… even if it’s to talk about themselves!
If you know showfolk who have stuff they want to pimp, send ‘em my way.
And yes, I will be opening it up at some point for anyone to record commentary about any movie. Who wouldn’t love to hear Richard Dawkins & PZ Meyers do commentary about “Expelled: The Movie”? But right now, I want to limit the focus.
Nutty for time-lapse
There’s a program called “macam” wot makes it possible to connect an ancient web camera to a not so ancient McBook and then record time-lapse if one desires.
I desires.
This is a sunrise looking out my office window.
There’s another program, Gawker, that is for the iSight camera that’s included in the McBook.
I set it up last night and grabbed a set of Coreyoke.
I’m so cukoo for time-lapse.
Summer School
Last year, I did an interview here at the house for the special features for the 20th anniversary of Summer School. The bride and I watched it and I didn’t come off like a dickhead, which is always my biggest fear. Pompous or pathetic. They didn’t use the “funny” stuff I did like show the thing Carl Reiner wrote that said “If you don’t become a big star I don’t know anything…” and offering to take him on a walk around my estate here in North fucking Hollywood.
That was probably a wise move on their part.
This weekend, the bride went to a wedding in Le Vegas…
digression
Another reason to hate weddings - “Hey, we’re getting married!!! Why don’t you ruin your long weekend, drive in horrible traffic and pay inflated hotel prices on a holiday weekend and give us some gifts!?!?”
/digression #forgive
…so after she left, I figured I’d watch the commentary Reiner and Mark Harmon did.
About 5 minutes in Reiner says “everyone thought he’d break out and hit it big… shame… someone should have done something with him” or something to that effect.
As I shut it off, I couldn’t help but think “Um, Carl Reiner, you know *you* could’ve done something with me.”
Ah well.
That’s fucking showbiz, innit?
I wonder if people would be interested in audio commentary from me and the other people who were in Summer School. I wonder if people would pay for it.
I will be finding out within two months.
oooohhhhhh how very cryptic!!!
Fanning the Flames
oh, i’m in trouble now. he’s gotten an attorney from orinda to write my agents and let them know that i’m unprofessional. i bet that will kill my career even more than it already is. i should never have taken him on. that was a mistake. he is a powerful man with powerful friends and an ATTORNEY ON FUCKING RETAINER!!! and i am totally and utterly fucked. crap. i’m doomed. i’m really doomed. what really sucks is my plans to make millions and millions by stealing a play and calling it my own are now dashed upon the rocks! shit. how can i ever get over this? i’ve crossed one more hollywood superpower mogul and i bet it’s my last because this is going to really drive the dirty old career in to the dirt. i wouldn’t be surprised if the ATTORNEY ON RETAINER managed to get all of my shitty movies pulled out of late night rotation on cable.
how can i get him to forgive me. i can’t. i just can’t. i’m doomed to even more unemployment.
crap. will i ever learn? damn. damn. damn.
I sent the following fax to all the parties involved. unprofessional with a capital u.
dean cameron
16255 ventura blvd 509
encino, ca
91436malpractice attorney
261 holly lane
orinda, california 94653
fax - 925 886 6793“dean cameron’s agents”
10635 santa monica blvd
130/135
los angeles, ca 90025hello everyone,
apparently, the right honorable john pappas was upset that I didn’t return his calls in a timely manner and has gotten a “lawyer acquaintance” to waste your time as well as mine. I apologize for that.
i’d attempted to help the writer get a theater for his “casual” reading but he decided to have it in long beach on a Monday which was inconvenient for me.
the most frightening thing about all of this is that, instead of following my regular procedure and having him send the script to my mailbox, he seemed like a good egg
and i wanted to expedite the proceedings so i gave him my home address. now I’m actually scared for my safety and that of my wife and I’m hopeful that he won’t show up
unannounced, demanding the 5 bucks it cost him to print a script and send it out.to protect his privacy i had edited the call before I put it up on my web site to remove his name. I often post calls and correspondence I get from stalkers and other crazy people.
i’ve gone ahead and posted the unedited version with his name included, as well as the fax with the official looking “attorney letterhead” with the p.o. box. it would seem that he’s hurting for business. maybe the two or three people who visit my site each week could use a malpractice attorney.
below is my reply to the “writer’s” harassing voice mail. make special note of the section where I request him to perform an unnatural act upon my primary sexual characteristic as if another, lower, part of that area is full of air and he is drowning. my choice of words, of course, are a bit more “earthy” and the follow-up is truly vile. (though quite pleasant, truth-be-told.)
regardless, the request remains open-ended. (a pun!)
though, having a vengeful person that close to my little dinky may be a bit more excitement than this old almost-ran can take. perhaps it’s included in the attorney’s retainer. i can dream, right?
yours in abject terror,
dean cameron
Message-Id:
From: dean cameron
To: John Niko
Content-Type: multipart/alternative;
boundary=Apple-Mail-4–121503500
X-Smtp-Server: smtp.gmail.com:dea ncamero n@gma il.co m
Subject: bail?
Mime-Version: 1.0 (Apple Message framework v919.2)
Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:14:06 -0700–Apple-Mail-4–121503500
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset=US-ASCII;
format=flowed;
delsp=yes
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bitI didn’t bail on you and I really don’t understand what the
condescending message and anger at me is all about? Maybe you’re joking.I tried to get sacred fools for you and when that didn’t work out, I
offered to help you get a theater but you said you were going to have the reading at someone’s house. I asked you if you wanted me to get the info just in case and you said no, you were going to have the reading at someone’s house because you didn’t want to spend any money.Then you called me in the middle of the day saying you were going to go look at the theater and i should meet you there, somehow assuming that I was around or available. I wasn’t. I’m not. I don’t have much of a life, at all, but I’m not able to drop everything and scurry over to east hollywood to hold your hand and look at a theater that I’ve seen a whole bunch.
You don’t need to call and talk to me in a condescending voice like
that. Spend three fucking dollars at kinko’s or print it out like the
rest of us.Maybe you’re joking but it doesn’t sound like it. I tried to help you
and you’re angry at me. Fascinating.Instead of me sending the script back, how about this:
Suck my cock like you’re drowning and my balls are filled with air.
Then I will roll over and you can tongue my shithole.Amazing.
—
dean cameron
www.deancameron.com
The message is here. It’s too much trouble to post the original where he says his name.
Hello Tucson
I used to live here the first half of third grade. Then my mom packed us up in her VW bug and we moved to beautiful Oklahoma City.
We’re doing spamscam here for three nights. There’s a nice, full page article in the local l.a. weakly type paper, which is excellent and the nice interviewer used some of my better “quips” like the one about how if I had been sitting around bored on the Mister Sterling set in the 70’s I would’ve been out of my mind on blow instead of screwing with a Nigerian 419 scammer via email.
We’re downtown, so it’s sorta remeniscent of the dreaded Minneapolis experience. If we happen to tank here, the outlook is not good.
We rented a PLANET KILLING SUV BECAUSE WE’RE EVIL to drive here. I started nodding off almost immediately so I got Victor to take over and he drove the entire way. Very cool beans.
Going to play the new audio clips at the end of the show. They’re not really integrated, but it will be a cool experiment. I think I have a fairly good template for Spamscam II. Not sure. Hope so.
If I don’t get all lazy over the next few weeks, I can have it at fighting weight for the New Jersey show.
Speaking of shows….
Coreyoke is killing. Our audience doubled this past week. We took bribes to bring people up. It was insane. We’re going to have to sign peeps up before we start and lock the list. Great problems to have. Really, really very cool.
There have been some excellent folks who have been showing up from day one who helped it along as we limped along. Steve, Ginger, Allie, Jeff, Corey (coincidentally) have all been instrumental in “keeping the coreyoke dream alive”… *sniff* *tears*… butt seriassly, I hope the past two weeks haven’t been anomalous. Then I will kill people.
Now all I have to do is learn the songs!
You know, there’s nothing like travel and a hotel room to make one really miss their wife.
Whine, whine, whine… I’m excited about the shows.
Oh. one more whine… slowest internet connection in the history of internet. i’m replicating my 2400bps modem with this wireless connection. fascinating. truly.
Nigerian Spam Scam Scam
I’m doing spamscam this Saturday at 10pm in L.A. at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater
http://www.ucbtheatre.com/schedule/showdetails.php?showid=1286
It’s a really cool theater.
Come down and laff yer balls off.
corey & kauai
The coreyoke shows at the joint were underwhelming.
Though we built a solid following of nearly 15 people, it’s not enough for us to continue playing there. We each make about 8 bucks an hour and, well, that’s not enough. So we will move on to another venue and see how it goes.
We may do a thing at a place called the lava lounge beginning in january.
Regardless…
Jessie and I are off to Kauai tomorrow morning. We’re finally going on our honeymoon. If I had a better VO year this year, I would probably be more excited about going.
It will be nice to be warm for a while. It has gotten too cold for me here (below 60. I’m a wuss, yes.)
Jessie is having anxiety attacks regarding being “in public” in a bikini. Man, I feel so bad for women. Sorry that we do that to you, ladies.
Oh well. Better her than me!
I think the place we’re staying has no internet, so it will be weird for me. There is a place “down the street” that does, though I don’t know what “down the street” really means.
hmm.
Rock on!