Five Days of Evil!!!!
My old friend, Penn Jillette, was featured in this article in Vanity Fair. Which puts a cap on a few weeks of really fascinating “Glenn Beck is Evil” conversations I’ve been having.
Apparently, if you don’t HATE GLENN BECK BECAUSE HE IS THE DEBIL!!!! it means you are some kind of right-wing-evil-type-person.
A guy at work sneers at me because I mentioned that I actually LISTENED TO AN AUDIO BOOK BY THE EVIL GLENN BECK!!! And, since I didn’t listen to it to confirm to myself that GLENN BECK IS THE DEBIL AND EATS CHILDREN!!!! it means that I want to LOVE GLENN BECK AND THE JUNK BENEATH HIS FUNNY UNDERWEARSS!!!!
Butt seriassly. I don’t care about glenn beck at all. I think that he has become shorthand for “right wing wacko reactionary nutjob” and was, until BP took over, “two minutes of hate” for many people. I wrote about him once before and I find the whole thing truly fascinating.
I don’t get it, really. A friend has sent me clips of Beck’s tv show where he cries. There are also clips of him contradicting himself and also saying outrageous things. It’s not like he promised to end the war or close gitmo and then backed off on that, but I guess he says really outrageous stuff. A guy on t.v. saying outrageous stuff?!? No way!!!
But, because I don’t really care enough to watch his show, I um… don’t watch his show. The guy loves the jebus and I don’t care for that so much, so if I’m going to watch the child killing network (fox) I’m going to watch the John Stossel show, because he’s not a republicrat… he’s a Libertarian and that’s how I roll.
I listened to a Glenn Beck audio book (which I downloaded illegally by the way) because I wanted to hear the evil that everyone was talking about. I didn’t hear any evil stuff. It was written a few years ago, I think, so maybe it was pre-evil. There was a bit of religion, yep, and I have gotten used to replacing any talk of religion with a droning Gmaj chord. Mainly, it was limited government stuff with your basic republican fucking up of the concept of limited government. “Keep government out of our lives… except for gay people and immigrants!!!” which is not limited government. It’s the republican line.
I don’t have enough time to watch the glenn beck t.v. show. But, I do have XM radio and I do have my 10-15 minute drive to the subway each morning on my way to work so… this week, I’m devoting 10 minutes in the morning to listening to the grandmother-eating-nazi you know as Glenn Beck and I’m going to write up a brief summary each day of what he talked about and how evil it was.
There is a point on the way where I stop at 7-11 to get the greatest coffee ever made.
Monday, June 21
I tuned in to the middle of an interview with a senate candidate from Utah… I think. Beck didn’t seem to agree with him about a prescription drug bill that had been passed. I think the candidate was a republican. The candidate said that the system was broken and small steps need to be implemented. Beck’s position was that the small steps were just making it worse. As I was heading in to 7-ll, I think I missed some talk about religion but it was over by the time I got back in to my car. As was the interview.
After the interview, Beck said that he didn’t want to have any more candidates on his show because he felt like some of his listeners might consider his opinion an endorsement and he didn’t want that to happen as the interviews were short and that was usually the only information he had about the candidate.
Then, he and his co-hosts talked about the enumerated powers of the united states constitution.
Then, I was confronted with about 20 bazillion people heading downtown for a parade. That seemed worse than anything glenn beck said on his show WHILE I WAS LISTENING.
Maybe tomorrow, he’ll say something racist and horrible. Today, it was a lot of enumerated powers. I guess, if you hate him, you could say that he was being arrogant about how much power he had over his listeners, but it seemed to me that he was aware of that and was trying to not come off as someone who has a lot of power over his listeners, which I’m sure he does.
…i’m just the guy to do it!
If stupid, immature jokes (redundant redundancy anyone?) were currency, I would be a millionaire. I love ‘em. Some people believe I am smart, but I’m not, I’m lazy and a good mimic, so I can act like a smart person, so I love dumb jokes, because they make me laugh because I’m stupid and when I repeat them, people think that I’m being “meta”, so I appear smarter than I am without having to do any work. At all.
One of my worst traits is that I think that if something is funny once, it will be funny 1,000 times. To stay married, I stopped saying “Why are you angry?” when the bride says “I’m hungry”. (I still think it, though.)
A truly smart friend of mine, who is also my doppelganger (thanks for nothing, spell check), Emery Emery, came up with one great idea and, with his friend – famed band leader Tommy James – happened upon another.
The first one is an iPhone app that shows the most violent verses of the Koran, (Qu’ran? Qowoaaran?) along with pictures of the Allah.
But the really clever thing he passed along to me is adding the letters “B” and “R” to either side of the “ONE” on the back of the One Dollar Bill to spell every 4th grader’s favorite punch line: BONER.
Ass I’ve mentioned before, I don’t spend my one dollar bills. So last year, after crossing out “In God We” about 500 times, I’ve begun doing it the same night I put my one dollar bills in my one dollar bill box. (I’m pretty sure Penn Jillette started this, but I *think* he crosses out the entire phrase. I like leaving “TRUST” on the back of the bill.)
I have fewer bills saved this year, because we have the youngster and, when we have it, I pay his “help” with the ones. Regardless, at the end of the year, I’m going to have a bunch of bills that some folks may think read “Trust Boner”.
Where’s George, indeed.
Acting Good!
My old, old, old and I do mean OLD friend, Patrick Laybyorteaux, has created a really funny web site: http://www.actinggood.com.
If you’ve seen me in stuff, then you have seen Patrick in stuff. Before I was fired from show business, we used to be in movies and t.v. shoes together. Patrick, however, was allowed back in to the movie and television business and did a series you never saw, but everyone else in the country watched: JAG.
We also co-wrote “Hollywood Palms” together. The “quick, down and dirty” project that took almost 10 years to get made.
Regardless, check out actinggood.com
You’ll act good. Real good.
ME ME ME ME!!!
I’m thinking about getting an agent again. So I was looking for my reels. (No, i was not up at 2am, googling “dean cameron” and weeping… not recently, anyway…) and happend upon the video below.
All I can say is: muy bueno!
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObQkVnERA3g
An extra $740 bucks
What you’re looking at is $740 in ones and change. Later this week, I’m going to put it in the bank and then maybe buy one of these just because I can.
Or, do something responsible with it. Whatever.
How did I end up with $740 in ones and change at the end of the year? Here’s how.
Never spend a one dollar bill. Ever. It forces you to save.
If you’re at 7/11 buying the best coffee in the world every morning like I do, you pay with a five. Then you put those 1 dollar bills aside. You can’t spend them the rest of the day. That way, if you want to buy something stupid, like gum or condoms (I jest), you must pay with a bill larger than a 1. It makes you think about the stupid little purchases you make every day.
Any 1 dollar bill gets put aside and at the end of the day, they all go in to a box. Along with the change you acquired that day.
I take the subway to work every day and it’s $1.25 each way, so I use quarters for that, but I still ended up with some quarters in my change box. The change came out to just over $100. If you can do remedial math, you can figure out how many one dollar bills I had.
I don’t actually have 640 one dollar bills. There were days where, for whatever reason, I did spend 1 dollar bills. Those days, I put a five in the box along with any ones I had.
That’s that. That’s my savings tip. Now, I’m going to end up on the “I Can Teach You To Be Rich” blog and be one of those assholes who talk about “the latte factor”.
The only thing I would do differently is use the sharpie to cross out “In god we trust” the day I put the bills in the box. I got bored. This also makes me realize, I have about 600 “Where’s George” bills to distribute.
Hmmm. I need more time.
Speaking of holiday cheer: Fuck the IRS. I mean, really. Fuck you guys.
Oh, speaking of fuck you guys: Here’s to CESD, my voice over and loser commercial agency who dropped me the week after Duncan was born. Fuck you guys. Way to destroy a career. Well played.
Happy Holidays everyone!!!
Security
Wow. Four of my neighbor’s passwords (thanks http://apostrophe.me) are “administrator”.
Well. Two of them were because the address to their routers are http://192.168.1.100
Now their passwords are “ChangeYourPassword”.
Arrowheads
Earlier this year, I donned a wig and the 2nd wheelchair of my career and hammed it up in a friend’s short, Arrowheads.
You should go here and watch it. It is funny stuff, people. Plus, it debuted at a swanky film fest a couple of weeks ago. So there!
Duncan, Sweet Duncan!
The bride hates this. I can’t really blame her. I’m actually over the moon for the kid… In this video, I exaggerate to clarify.
some good news, sorta
Downsize DC is embarking on yet another grassroots campaign (it’s what they do) to roll back the wildly unconstitutional USA PATRIOT ACT. (I exaggerate to clarify)
The good news is that some parts of the PATRIOT Act could expire at the end of the year. This provides an opportunity to roll back many of these dangerous provisions. Toward this end Senator Russ Feingold introduced the JUSTICE Act (S. 1686) on September 17, Constitution Day. JUSTICE stands for the Judicious Use of Surveillance Tools In Counterterrorism Efforts.
Who can blame the dog?
I’d bite her on the vagina, too!!!
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IQTDag7u8M
