holy jebus
quite a bit going on. but not much time to get all the stuff out that I want to. soon.
i’m really enjoying the gig at legalzoom.com. there is some stuff that is just beyond my abilities so i’m challenged and learning and that’s fun. then there is drudgery cut/paste stuff. which becomes a nice break in the slamming my head against the wall.
i think i will have full on carpal tunnel within a couple of years. my hands are sore when i head home.
speaking of heading home, i ride the subway many days. i have an ironic parking pass for the north hollywood station where i park and ride into hollywood. the trip from noho to ho is 6 minutes. sometimes it takes an hour to get there by car. some days, i have v.o. auditions at cesd, and then it’s just hellish. when i got hired, i told lz that i would be late every day, so it’s quite like the situation i had at iWin the last couple years; i show up around 10:30 or and work until i’m done. some days i’m out of there at 9.
speaking of voice overs….
since i’m “working for the man”, i record many v.o. auditions here at home and send them in via mp3. it’s how i booked hyundai and a couple of other spots. i’d rather do them at cesd, but…
occasionally, it’s obvious that a copy writer hates their job. so i was having lots o problems doing this one spot tonight and after I did my opening “this is dean cameron…” etc., i started ranting. fortunately, i had the good foresight to not throw it away and i’m going to share it with you, my two readers.
most voice over auditon material has some direction that the writer or ad agency people want you to go for. i usually get either “wry, likeable” or “earnest, likeable”. it always says “non-announcery announcer”, which is a robot killer because if one only reads for announcer spots, they are then an announcer. I know what they *mean*. One would think that a writer might be able to come up with a better way of expressing their wishes.
This particular writer requested:
What the hell? The copy is your basic copy that would accompany this product, but instead of this person just accepting that he (write me, you sensitive females!!!) is writing copy for a radio spot for something not that cool or exciting, he decides he wants the person to sound like someone on NPR.
It’s really funny. It’s really, really funny.
But, I got frustrated with the copy and after trying it for or five different ways, i started from scratch and “hilarity ensues”.
Hmm.
it’s competely raw, but i would actually like to book this gig (i won’t because you can hear the hatred in my voice in the audition) and i also don’t want any fallout if, by some crazy internet thing (hi, narcisist!) the writer or ad agency should hear it.
early on in the rant, you may wonder “is dean talking to the copy writer or himself? i wonder…”
it makes me wonder…
sure does…
I’m not really that bitter. it’s just an affectation. a sort of totemistic symbol thing…
if i was really cool, i wouldn’t have plugged in me saying “censored” over the product name. I’m not that cool.
boy do my forearms hurt.
here’s the file
never sleeps
We did our two shows and they both went really well. The audience at 10:30 was a bit tired and were just listening, which was a bit disconcerting. Especially after the first show which went so well.
I am, however, cautious… What a surprise for me. Hmmm.. I fear that the folks booking shows may want something a bit safer than the spam scam show. I don’t mean that in a condescending way (that means “talk down to” ), I mean that you don’t really get what’s going to happen in spamscam from the title.
Victor, however, did some of his best stuff tonight. Really solid an schweet!
Dunno.
I do know that I had a whole bunch of stuff to do for legalzoom.com and did not do one single thing. I will try to pack it in tomorrow when I get home… but wow. I did not do well. Hmmm.
It’s cold here. Did I mention that?
The really nice thing is that I edited the script down to 1/2 hour, and it’s inspired me to begin adding the stuff from the other scams in… try to figure out some sort of structure. I have my russian bride, my hussein guy, mister ebay and the lotto all going through perry mason, but it’s so unweildy, but this has given me confidence that i can pare that stuff down, too.
We shall see. I need to get back in andy’s studio and make some calls to the former soviet union.
Hmmm.
Wacky.
new york
what would be a post without me complaining?
the agents repping spamscam have us here in new york to perform a 30minute version for folks who book our type of show in their respective theaters.
it is freezing here. my crimony. there’s ice and snow and it’s just cold.
a friend of mine has a place here and he’s not here so i’m staying there. he has an amazing jacket that has saved my life. if it weren’t for his jacket, i would be dead.
i had some questions:
1. never heard back from godaddy. i don’t care, really. i don’t think the racist guy is funny. that’s all. i was hoping to just make his life a little more difficult. i don’t think he’s really a racist… well… maybe he is. i think he’s hiding behind his religion. if he didn’t have that, he probably couldn’t be doing that “character”. blah blah.
2. if you are in the nyc area (rug), we’re at the broadway comedy club at 6 and 10. it is not going to be our full show at all. it is going to be half as long without our usual lighting. on the other hand, if you like getting out of the house in freezing ass weather, then maybe sunday is the day for you.
holy beans it’s cold. i bet it’s colder in minneapolis.
serves ‘em right.
i had tea the day i got in with some friends here at the st. regis. it’s so nice to do. i want to find a place in l.a. that has a nice afternoon tea. might be something to do a couple times a month. i liked it at the st. regis better when they brought out the ginormous platter thing. oh well…. my friends paid for it, so it was perfect!
had indian food down in little india with victor and andy, the guy he’s staying with. when we performed here in june, he was donald aboyami. i’d forgotten this: he couldn’t see the screen very well so instead of “mister pakir kubani” he improvised the name “Poonan Koonan”. Much ribbing tonight.
In other news, one of the libertarian web sites, the adovcates, has redone their site and updated my listing. it’s too bad that they can’t get better celebrities than me. there is a rumor that brangelina want to do atlas shrugged. they would be perfect. i would worry that they might water it down.
dunno. who cares? it’s cold!
must to sleep.
los endos
A friend of mine is a writer/producer on NCIS and was nice enough to get me in to read for a nice part. It would’ve been cool-o to work with mark harmon again after… shit… 20 years.
Back when I actually had an acting career, I rarely booked guest star spots. It’s so daunting and ridiculous to show up somewhere and there are literally 10 guys who look exactly like you. I always felt like “there are plenty of people here who could do this job… I should just go home.”
That being said… there are plenty of people here in Hollywood who can do this job. I’m done. It wasn’t a bad audition or anything… It was just another in the long line of mediocre. I’m tired of reading for the same people for the last 27 years. They know me. They are aware that I have worked as an actor but it seems that I will continue to have to go in and audition for TV shows. It’s a senseless waste of human life.
I would love to be *on* a t.v. show or do a movie, but going in and auditioning for people is annoying. I can act. I have evidence and I’d be happy to show it to someone, but going in and reading 11 lines spread over 5 pages is not something I can do.
Last year, I saw Bob Romanus in a movie called Mojave Phone Booth. (or something). His performance is award winning. If the movie had a distributor and any sort of play, he would be getting his speeches ready. Instead, he can’t get arrested, either. He was here a couple of weeks ago for a running charades fest and he talked about how he won’t audition anymore.
I guess I’m one of the guys with the Fast Times curse. Ratner and Damone from the movie faded away. Ratner and Damone from the TV show are huge. Eerie!!!
Those three shitty movies ruined it, I guess. Maybe the manager who wouldn’t return my calls for 10 years. And my fear of the manager and, most importantly, my laziness. I’ve been here 26 years and there’s still this lottery thinking going on. It’s no way to live. It was such a wonderful feeling of freedom after I called the agent and said “I’m done”.
I feel like I have power over my life. Even though I haven’t been “in the game” for quite a while, there was always a gnawing awareness in the background of the larger than normal randomness in my life; people I don’t respect or care about holding my future and my dreams in their hands.
I gave it a shot. I guess it beat me somewhat. I mean, it’s pretty much Vegas. The longer you stay around, the greater the odds for the house. I used to think it was the other way around; if you stay, they don’t have a choice. Hmm. But… I did do a bunch of movies and tv shows. That’s pretty great. I am “that guy” forever and ever. Also, very cool… much better than “hey, waiter”.
The best thing is that I have survived. I have a lovely bride and home and voice overs and web programming should keep me in the chips until my bride is able to keep me in the manner to which I’m accustomed. I can write and direct shorts and plays. Les thornbirds will continue to chug along. maybe the record will come out *this* year. I can continue to act in stuff that friends toss my way. I guess I’m finally taking the advice I’ve given to so many: If there’s a way that you can be happy being creative without getting the shit beat out of you by showbiz, do it.
Spamscam goes to nyc this weekend for a convention of bookers. I have yet to edit the script and photos for the required 1/2 hour running time. Hmmm. Procrastinate much?
I’m sure I’ll write more about this… now is sleep time.
It’s fitting that this article just came out.
Who knew?
skilljam
I don’t work there anymore and I agree with you.
You get a grip.
Kauai - Day 2
Okay. It’s beautiful here but really, the sun needs to come out. I mean, really.
If we wanted overcast and sporadic rain, we’d go to Seattle.
Come on. Come on!!!
It’s not ruining the trip. Yet.
Tonight, Jessie is making me go to a luau.
Tomorrow we are kayaking to some waterfall. Then we will be very sore.
Tuesday sees us coasting down a hill on bicycles.
One of these days, the sun will come out.
Everyone is selling fucking timeshares. Jesus. Jesus had a timeshare. The first place we went to book some activities dropped the price from $200 to $0 if we would go sit for 2 hours in some timeshare presentation.
No. No and no. We went somewhere else, instead.
Man, I just want to slather on a ton of sunblock and fall asleep on the beach. Come on, sun! Come on!!!
Yesterday, we drove south (we’re on the east coast) and walked along a beach, then went to some touristy place (the entire island… it’s cool) and got Jessie some candied pineapple stuff.
Today, we drove north to a big cave and stopped along the way and walked along secluded beaches. Really amazing. On the way back, we saw some blue sky attempting to break through the grey.
If it’s raining all day tomorrow, I will officially be bummed out.
Rock on!!!
COREY-OKE FUN AND JOY
Coreyoke was a blast tonight. Proof of concept. Lots of people. Lots of people having fun. Lots of people getting drunk and having even more fun and telling us they’ll be back next week with their friends. One of the peeps is a stringer for the L.A. Times who is going to pitch us to his editor about doing an article.
That’s the kind of spontaneous publicity we need to get ahead, people!
In other news, I did some v.o. spots for my good buddies at PG&E and a “directed audition” (they paid a little bit) for Sylvan which did not go so well. There was lots of copy that needed “massaging” but there was not much time, so I ended up sounding like a slick ass pitchman. Not good for Sylvan Learning centers.
Balls!
The McBook is running beautifully. fuck that RAM.
Speaking of RAM, on America’s Funniest Home Videos, there was one with a ram ramming a car in Italy or something. It killed me. Stupid pissed of ram. Mad at a car. ‘tard.
Yay for Coreyoke!
McBook II - Electric Boogaloo
So it seems that the 2g of ram I had has been the culprit.
I received the replacement McBook Thursday and within an hour, the same crab begain; programs crashing, the mcbook crashing… horrible.
Then I had the bright idea to aks the mac experts in my life if the RAM might be the culprit. They said it could be. I swapped the 2g out and put the 512k back in and it’s been running as beautifully and smoothly as a barefoot kenyan at the olympic marathon.
Yeeha!
Now I’m a mac asshole! Yeahboiiii!
Also, come to Coreyoke this Tuesday. You will love it.
Speaking of UCB, it’s the one in Hollywood, not NYC.
two things
1. A delightful Coreyoke shoe tonight. The audience was small but vocal and we had a nice time with Jimmy Fallon showing us how to handle success.
2. I’m glad the democrats are in charge finally. Now they will make everything perfect, right? Isn’t that right, guys? I mean, now that you democrats are in charge, everything’s going to be perfect, right? Hmm? What? Right? Guys?
… guys?
… but… hey…
… you said… um… you said…
… shit.
McBook
The Apple store said they would only swap the hard drive on my dead within 3 weeks McBook, but the place I purchased it from, Expercom.com is sending me a new one.
If you’re ever in the market for Apple stuff, expercom.com is the place to go. They are good eggs.
Waiting to see if the monitor the other place sends me works. They said they were sending another one. Maybe the power cable will be included. Who knows.
It’s all too fucking horrible.
Maybe you’ll come to Coreyoke Tuesday night!