Wow!

Getting a show produced is near impossible. You did it.
Running sold-out in L.A. is an extraordinary feat. You did it.
Getting produced off-broadway is unheard of. You did that.
Setting a record like “Longest running off-broadway show” is, well, record setting. You did it.
Franchising a show; having several productions running simultaneously around the U.S. is a goal many have and few attain. You have, several times.
Some people spend their entire lives trying to get a book deal. You’ve done that.
Having your play produced as a feature film *and* being able to play the parts you wrote for yourself could be said to be impossible, but you were able to do that.

It’s great that all of these things have happened for you. If my show, The Nigerian Spam Scam Scam, achieved just one of those, I would consider it an enormous suck-cess.

I’m nearly honored that we are represented (for now) by the same booking agency.

But…

By not showing up at the bookers conference because it “wasn’t worth your time” and having the agency show a crappy DVD you cleared the room. Literally.

When the evening began, the room had a dozen or so venue reps. Your DVD, shot on a consumer grade camera consisting of you talking about how suck-cessful your obvious and pandering piece of shit is, had the reps heading for the aisles.

Three reps from one theater toughed it out and stayed to see SpamScam.

Jewtopia, you don’t know me. I don’t know you. You don’t care about me or my stupid little piece of shit show. It’s obvious that you don’t give a fuck about anything besides you and your collection of crappy skits, but if there is some way for me to make your life worse, I most certainly will.

I’m not going to dwell on it. I won’t pursue it. I’m not going to give you another thought after I press “publish post”… but if somewhere, somehow, the opportunity to fuck you over so you miss out on a years worth of shows presents itself, I will. I will fuck your fucking piece of rotten and obvious shit show up.

Strap in.

Without further ado – Penisole – as translated by a retarded virtual english as a third language robot program from another country with no technology.

If I’d know women like vamps, my life would be very different. I wouldn’t have so much tensity^*.

Again – Penisole:

• Pinisole is possessed of great advantages. Pinisole change not only physical imperfection but also the internal state of a man. He becomes more self-confident, courageous and out-going. No more uneasiness and tensity^*.
• Pinisole will give you an opportunity to experience greater orgasms. With Pinisole your partner will be able to get more powerful and frequent sexual pleasure because of deeper penetration of your penis. Be ready to raze from your memory about losing erection in the middle of coitus.
• According to researches concerning penis enlargement it was ascertained that the penis can grow as well as any of other muscles.

What can I get and experience?

• – Side effects are not putting to inconvenience!
  – There is no surgical operation!
  – There are no physical exercises!
  – There are no pumps!
  – Penis Length is increasing by 1-4 Inches! Penis Width is increasing by 20%!
  – Erection is becoming harder and stronger!
  – Premature ejaculation is stopping!

Big Penis! What psychological advantages does it have?

• In general, women like vamps. They always look for a male and they know how to do it and what things should be in norm, especially what is below the belt.
• Having big penis you have big confident. Your eyes are full of sexual energy and readiness to subjugate the fair sex. You are not afraid to fail. Women see it and they choose such kind of men.
• Big penis is a significant and serious ‘weapon’. It is a great man advantage! If you have big penis your woman will be proud of it more than you!
• So, if you have any problems with women, if you are afraid of women’s attention, if you are become nervous, short-tempered and hot-temper because of small penis and low confidence you should use penis enlargement. It is your chance to make your lover feel unreal sexual pleasure. It is your chance to amaze her by the width, length, firmness, elasticity, hardness of your penis.
• Everything will be fine! Just don’t become unsociable. Become determined! Big penis is big advantage. It can be your advantage.

Don’t become unsociable. Become determined.
Big penis is big advantage.

Until next time. You’ll recognize me because I will be the one with my eyes filled with sexual energy and readiness to subjugate the fair sex.

fortunately for us, stuart and i landed the outer space show and were able to play nintendo while earning thousands of dollars a week. else we would’ve been destitute within a month. we actually had a month before we began shooting where we were sorta lame ducks as we knew we’d be working for 7 months, so we took that time to just play nintendo. stuart even named his production company ‘p-wing productions’ in honor of, well, the p-wing in super mario brothers.

i never really liked other video games.

then patrick labyorteaux got me doom one year for my birthday. i spent all of january playing doom. i hurt my knee because i didn’t move from the chair in front of my computer for a month. seriously.

then i removed the game from my computer and vowed to never get a video game system ever again, else i ruin my life. i’ve seen some of the games around and they look so insane and complicated. i played half life for 8 hours straight but also ultimately felt annoyed by it because there was no real ‘end’. maybe i’m wrong.

the point…

last year jessie and i played ‘guitar hero’ at a friend’s house. i was smitten. so was she. but i was able to resist.

we went to a party the other day and they had it there and, well…

no more.

today, in honor of black friday and capitalism, we got ourselves a playstation 2 with guitar hero3. i’m buying #2 off a friend of mine. i’m hopeful (see other post) that the bride and i will spend more time with each other. at least we’ll be in the same room, playing guitar hero with each other.

but, this is just to say goodbye. i doubt i’ll be doing anything else with my life until the bank comes for the house and we have to stop playing because the electricity is shut off.

it’s also good that i have yet another thing that is killing my wrists/fingers/forearms. i’m not carpal enough, people.

in other news, the bride made the best thanksgiving meal i’ve yet to have. perfect turkey, potatoeeooes, stuffing, gravy, green beans. nothing fancy. she said her goal was to keep everything basic and all she used, basically, for seasoning was butter.

her mom baked two pies that killed us and that’s unimportant because i must to play guitar hero until six a.m.

farewell. farewell.

speaking of tasteless… i got a happening text message from someone who shall remain nameless. it said “so and so died two years ago. let’s take a moment to remember him. and don’t forget to come to my club tonight. these bands will be playing:” and then listed some bands and other reasons to come to the club.

fascinating.