Weekend Fun
I did an interview on this web radio station. There was some technical nuttiness involving “lag” that interfered with us having a completely excellent time, so it was just an excellent time.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ethantudorw/2011/02/05/the-neverhood-show-episode-32-dean-cameron
enron II – electric boogaloo
Thanks to Hernan on myfriendfacespacebookster, and his superior search skills, location of the Enron commercial I did has been, um, located.
See how happy I am to be getting paid to spout principles I actually believe. Also, moving my head around like Clooney on Ecstasy.
Oh, Enron… why were you such awful bastards?
Funny audition story about this gig, too. Was supposed to wear a suit. It was summer. Over 90f. I wore shorts and a t-shirt. When the CD said “tell me about yourself” I said “oh, man *that* question… Fuck, I don’t know… I’m an unemployed actor trying to get a gig on a commercial… what else?”
I think it was almost three months later when I got the call.
The technique never worked again. I tried.
“Dean, can you tell me about the audition today? What happened in there?”
Elena Verdugo
One of the many benefits of hooking up with my most awesome bride is her family. I’m fortunate to actually love my mother in law and Jessie’s grandparents, Elena & Rosie are wicked cool.
Elena is Elena Verdugo. If you are old enough to remember Marcus Welby MD., you know who she is. If you’re old enough to remember Abbot & Costello meet Frankenstein, you know who she is. Yeah. Totally awesome.
Our friend, RRG, just sent us an episode of Celebrity Bowling Elena Verdugo and Ed Asner “competing” against Lorreta Swit and Gavin McLeod (guess when it was shot). Here are some screen caps.
The cool “tricycle” thing is one of the prizes. The announcer says that you can “help ecology” by using one.
I guess it worked, because the impending ice age never came.
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- Elena Verdugo readies herself
Enron – We’re All Aware
A long, long time ago… before you were born. I did a commercial for the then viable and exciting Enron. It was directed by Tony Kaye (American History X… not the occasional keyboard player for Yes, though he told some people he was). I thought it might be a funny thing to have on my internet powered web site, but it is the only Enron commercial that is NOT available on the internet powered web.
There is one place where it is available: http://www.advertolog.com/enron/adverts/were-all-aware-1818655/
I went on the internet way-back machine and tracked down the web site: askwhy.com and all the horrible 2001 cutting edge FLASH glory that the site was. No dice.
We’re all aware that I don’t want to spend 40 bucks to see an idealistic me 11 years ago, right? Right?
what a week!
Wow. It’s been quite a week.
- The bride and boy are ill. In the bad way.
- Security Edition cards were linked on an extremely popular blog called Daring Fireball.
- Lawrence O’Donnell had Penn and the hero, John Tyner, on his show and they talked A LOT about the Security Edition cards.
- Penn went on the Wolf Blitzer show and basically did a commercial for the Bill of Rights – Security Edition cards.
Nuttiness. In the good way. Except for the bride and boy being sick. That is no damned good. I think we’ll just end up going to Marie Callendars for bird slaughter day. I’m taking the lad by the grandparents.
In other news, I did an interview with a very nice young person at the Horror Hound convention. He put it up here:
http://moviemeltdown.libsyn.com/.
There’s good stuff about the convention and, most importantly: ME!
cough.
Happy turkey slaughtering. I, along with most everyone else who has a non-retail job, have the next four days off and that is good schtuffs.
Horror Hound Convention – Nov. 12 – 14
“I’ll never do one of those autograph show things…”
Next weekend, I’ll be in the other Sin City: SinSinnati, Ohio at HorrorHound Weekend. Signing autographs and saying…
- “I don’t know where Gary Riley is… I read he died in a car accident, but received email a few months ago from someone claiming to be him and that person, at least, seemed extremely alive.”
- I’m not sure Ski School II made enough money to warrant a Ski School III
- I think Rockula is underrated, as well.
- That’ll be 10 bucks, please.
Glib, unnecessary pessimism aside, I’m actually looking forward to it. “Esquela de Sommero”** turned me into a full-on horror fan and there are going to be some people there that I’m looking forward to seeing, if not meeting. Horror fans are the best kind of people because they are passionate and do-not-give-a-fuck. There is also going to be someone there who an old girlfriend cheated on me with years and years ago when I cared about those things, so that should be nifty.
I will be away from the bride and child for longer than I like (at least that’s what I’m saying in public) and that will be a huge drag. I don’t envy the bride having to deal with an infant who has decided that waking up at night every 3-4 hours and screaming is the way to go about things.
**that’s Summer School in the language I made up
Long Live Big Daddy
Back before you were born, right before the Great Career Crash of Ninety Five, I lived up in the Hollywood Hills in a groovy floor of a house that had been converted into living quarters. I had a beautiful view of the city that was killing my soul.
One of the people in the house saw a little puppy that had been abandoned. People often abandoned their dogs in the Hills. Figuring they’d become coyote food quickly and their lives would be over soon… or something.
We went out to take a look and discovered the most adorable little puppy. There wasn’t much of a coat left, she had maggots living in her ears and she was beautiful.
Since I had the largest apartment in the house, I pretty much demanded that I keep her.
I took her to the vet, who then charged me about $1,000 to get her back in shape. At that point, there was no question that she was my dog. The only thing left was to figure out a name.
Around this time, there were these ubiquitous radio ads for “TOP FUEL FUNNY CAR” racing that began “SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY” and then these two nutjobs screaming their heads off about the races. They’d always announce the racers: “WITH SHIRLEY ‘CHA CHA’ MULDOWNEY, DON ‘THE SNAKE’ PRUDHOMME AND BIG DADDY DON GARLITZ!!!!!”
I was talking to a friend’s girlfriend on the phone about what to name the puppy and she suggested “Shirley ‘cha cha’ Muldowney. But, at that point, the puppy was feeling better and was ripping up some socks I had on the floor. The dog was definitely *not* a Shirley. She was definitely a “Big Daddy”.
Once Big Daddy got completely well I came home from not getting a part on television to discover her lying nearly lifeless in a closet. Back to the vet and I maxed the Visa with another grand. I was seriously thinking of changing her name to Visa. But I enjoyed yelling “Come Big Daddy, Come!!!” at the dog park and obedience training. 
Speaking of obedience training. I became a nut about it. I lived The Monks of New Skeet (Skete?) for three months. Big Daddy was a Shepard/Chow mix and from what I know about dogs, Chows are nearly untrainable. Big Daddy had a very similar personality as mine. She would do something you wanted done only if it made sense to her. Very stubborn. Yet completely loyal and sweet. She also acted more intimidating than she was.
The training paid off. She was about as trained as she could be. I think it’s important that dogs are trained. It shows respect for them and, more importantly, for other people who may not like dogs.
The 2k was the most I’ve ever spent on an animal. I now have a $2000 rule: If it’s over that, the dog dies. I can take that money that I would have spent on a domesticated animal and give it to charity.
That’s a tangent…
I was apart from her for 6 months when I lived and worked in Le Vegas back in ’96. Other than that, she’s been with me since 1995. The longest successful relationship I’ve ever had. The bride still has another 5 years. 
When I was at the nadir about 10 years ago I was living at a friend’s house, ostensibly to take care of his dogs, while he was out of town working and Big Daddy and his two dogs became great buddies. One of them was very, um, excitable and the two would tire each other out. Well, the friend’s dog would tire Big D out. Both of the other dogs died a couple years ago. I make the joke that the excitable one was so happy and dumb that it didn’t know he was riddled with cancer until he literally dropped dead. No one had any idea.
Speaking of no idea… One of the things that helped my case in the early days of romancing the bride was Big Daddy. Jessie thought that a guy with a dog wouldn’t be as self-centered as other guys. Hmmm. I think that was it. Something about being able to think of something else…
The last 15 years have been a rollercoaster. No career, financial ruin, a second career, a bride, a child, another career loss.. and the dog was always there. I had a human that I got closer to, and that’s always better. We made another human and that’s even better. I felt a bit as if I’d abandoned Big Daddy, but she loved Jessie and the feeling was mutual.
As a sort of dry run for caring for a child, we got another dog, Snoot Snout, a couple years ago. They never really got along the way we’d hoped they would, but they certainly didn’t fight or anything. There was a tolerance. Better than them fghting. 
On the eve of thanksgiving 3 years ago, Big Daddy collapsed and began shaking. I took her to doggie emergency and the vet didn’t really know what was wrong with her other than “she’s getting old”. She was never the same after that. She wasn’t able to walk so well, she got dizzy and fell, she got more stubborn. But she still enjoyed going to the dog park. It was as if she had a minor doggie stroke.
She’s been deteriorating since then. Losing her sight. Losing weight. She hasn’t really been able to walk or exercise over the past year. She *could* manage to drag herself upstairs if she felt lonely, but sometimes she’d fall down the stairs. She wasn’t able to go *down* the stairs without tumbling.
For a month or so, she would, sometimes, not be able to get up to go outside to poop. When she was able to get outside to go to the bathroom, she’d invariably fall down into it. She hasn’t smelled good for a while.
So. I took her to the vet today and had her euthanized. It was incredibly sad. She was such a sweetheart and I felt so bad taking her there… as if I was abusing our trust.
I was crying all the way there and managed to pull it together once I got there. A woman waiting for her pet, began cooing over Big D. “What a great dog! She’s so sweet!” I managed to croak out “She’s 15… I’m having her put down… ” and was able to at least stifle the sobs. Poor woman.
After filling out the paperwork – I opted to *not* keep her ashes. I’d had a fantasy where I have her hollowed out by a taxidermist and then get her head unscrewable so I could use her as a coin jar. It was Ajay Sahgal’s suggestion and it always seemed perfect. Unfortunately, the income couldn’t really justify that sort of expense. Oh well. Big Daddy - Nutty & Happy
A nurse took her away and put a catheter in her. They brought Big Daddy back. The Vet came in and explained to me what was going to happen. I nodded and then she injected Big Daddy with a pain killer. I had one hand around a paw and scratched her ears the way she always liked. After 30 seconds, Big Daddy sighed and just relaxed like she hadn’t relaxed in years. Breathing got very shallow. The vet was listening to Big Daddy’s heart with her stethoscope. After another minute, the vet nodded.
The Vet left me alone with Big Daddy. I kept petting her and sobbing. It’s just sad. So sad.
I managed to make it out of the office without causing a scene, sat in my car and cried for a while. I came home to my lovely wife and son and our stupid little yappy terrier, SnootSnout (if you’re a fan of The Frogs, you’ll understand the name).
My sweet old dog is dead. I will miss her. Big Daddy is dead. Long live Big Daddy.
Rockula
I went to the New Beverly Theater, three blocks from my youth and hope, to talk before a screening of Rockula. I did not anticipate that the people who came to see the movie were actually people who liked my work. I figured they’d be there ironically or to give me a hard time because that’s what everyone else does.
Someone actually called me on it. “You’re kicking my puppy, dude.” and he was right. I did own up to it… I was poo-pooing my work before anyone else could so as to protect myself. I guess I’ve been around people who took that stuff for granted and I believed their anti-hype instead of owning the fact that there really are people who don’t give a fuck that I’m not with a big agency like CAA or ICM or William Morris anymore. They were kids when I was in the show bizness.
I mean, I didn’t completely fall on my sword, but I didn’t need to even bring the sword out. They were excited enough to see Rockula, that they went to see it at Midnight in L.A.
I’d met the guy who I did the QyA with in Napa at a SpamScam shoe. He introduced himself as my biggest fan and I’d signed a Ski School poster for him. When Phil, the guy running the New Bev, mentioned that the guy who was going to do the QyA was from up north and was my biggest fan, I knew exactly who it was. Very cool.
It’s weird. They’re a little ironic. He said they’re post ironic. He screens movies in SF that are similar in scope to some of the stuff I’ve done but really loves them. I really hope I’m not a joke. Man, that would suck.
Showbiz seems to have fucked me up. Though, I suppose that happens in any career one is passionate about. I bet doctors get fucked up about being doctors. I know they do.
I suppose I’m lucky that I had a career that I was passionate about for so long that I was recognized for.
Nutty. Rockula.
Could be worse. It could be Marmaduke. Or Avatar. Cynical bullshit that people are making so they can buy shit. Fucking Marmaduke.
What a bunch of assholes. Only a real asshole cuntshit would be proud of Marmaduke.
“Yeah, I’ve always had a vision of dogs and cats doing a synchronized dance in a park.”
Kill yourself you fucking cynical studio executive. And you, Owen Wilson, you should be ashamed of yourself. Lazy bitch.
I know they’re justifying it to themselves. “Hey, I can’t help what people want to see. The studio is making Marmaduke and they’ve offered me all this money. It’s going to be in theaters. I need to be in theaters.”
Asshole. Fucking Marmaduke.
“…and then, see, Marmaduke causes all this mayhem in the park on the day the guy has got to impress his boss…”
“…oh, beautiful!! hilarious… i can see it now… hey, how about some cgi? he talks, right?”
“what? oh, yeah,um, of course!!! he talks… yeah!”
“I just had a meeting with Fergie’s people… how about her as Marmaduke’s love interest? That blue eyed peas can do a rap song at the end. We can get it on phones. kids eat that shit up, like a dog eats its own puke.”
“Fucking genius!! We’re going to have Avatar sucking dog dick!!!”
“Fuck yeah. We’ll take out an ad monday after opening: AVATAR SUCKS BIG FAT DOG COCK!!!”
“HEY. READY? …THE DOGS DANCE IN THE PARK!!! TO A FERGIE SONG OR SOMETHING. NO! SOMETHING UPBEAT AND HOT!!! MAYBE OVER THE CREDITS. OR JUST PUT IT IN THE GOD DAMNED TRAILER!!!”
“…SUCK MY DOG COCK, BUDDY, GREEN LIGHT THAT SHIT, BABY! HEY, JAMES CAMERON, MARMADUKE HAS A LIPSTICK!!!! MARMADUKE HAS A LIPSTICK!!!”
William H. Macy tells himself that it’s a studio picture and that he can take that money and go back to Chicago and do some more theater. Or he has a house payment. Or something. “Hey, they’re gonna fuckin’ make the fuckin’ movie, right? I’m not getting a million bucks doing Mamet, that’s for sure… They’re making it whether I’m in it or not. Fuck it. So I do a talking dog movie. It’ll be fun working with Owen. Well, maybe I’ll see him at the screening. Ah… fuck it, A million bucks is a million bucks. Now that Felicity’s not bringing in… Hell, it’ll be nice to take the kids to see it… A million bucks. What the hell.”
Marmaduke.
Fucking Marmaduke.
And I can’t get a fucking agent. What a bunch of fucking assholes. Truly. You people making Marmaduke should kiss a dog’s lipstick.
Asshole.
Acting Good!
My old, old, old and I do mean OLD friend, Patrick Laybyorteaux, has created a really funny web site: http://www.actinggood.com.
If you’ve seen me in stuff, then you have seen Patrick in stuff. Before I was fired from show business, we used to be in movies and t.v. shoes together. Patrick, however, was allowed back in to the movie and television business and did a series you never saw, but everyone else in the country watched: JAG.
We also co-wrote “Hollywood Palms” together. The “quick, down and dirty” project that took almost 10 years to get made.
Regardless, check out actinggood.com
You’ll act good. Real good.
ME ME ME ME!!!
I’m thinking about getting an agent again. So I was looking for my reels. (No, i was not up at 2am, googling “dean cameron” and weeping… not recently, anyway…) and happend upon the video below.
All I can say is: muy bueno!
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObQkVnERA3g
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