A couple o’ things:
http://www.rationaldad.com has launched.
It’s me rambling aboot stuff while navigating raising a kid as an atheist, freedom-loving dad. I try not to take myself too seriously, but sometimes I really ought to. I do that at RationalDad.com.
The bride and I took the lad to his first 4th Of July fireworks display yesterday. We had a wonderful day in general, having begun at a party at the home of some people from P.E.T. class. The bride has been slammed at work, so it was nice for her to just sit and chat with people.
Regarding fireworks displays though, this is how I think they should be done:
It would be sooooo much cooler!!!
Here’s one of those lists that your grandmother sent you that first week she figured out email.
Without You, I Would Die
1. Without the USDA, Americans would be eating food laced with feces because farmers don’t know how to grow food, or “Big Agra” would force us to eat meat infested with the poop from genetically modified super-rats bred in a nuclear reactor.
2. Without the FAA, Boeing would have a monopoly on airplanes and all airlines would let drunken pilots fly rickety planes.
3. Without labor laws and labor unions, those planes would be manufactured in freezing (in winter) and sweltering (in summer) factories by 10 year child prostitutes earning fifty cents a week while their homeless, unemployed parents fought each other in the streets for coal and radiated rat meat.
4. Without the FCC, the lucky winner of a weekly child-porn-snuff-gameshow broadcast on a fundamentalist Christian pedophile network would be chosen to fly all of the nation’s airplanes.
5. Without the DOE, only the children of Wall Street and Wal-Mart executives would be allowed to attend schools where the curriculum would be crack-smoking, bible study and “non-whites are bad and lie about global warming” taught by anti-government Atheist Christian Islamic child molestors.
6. Without drug laws, labor laws and the FCC, Wal-Mart would force heroin and crack addicted children to compete in televised duels for the opportunity to be crack whores or pilot unsafe airplanes.
7. Without anti-trust laws, Wal-Mart would be the only store. Half of the year they would only sell products made from the skin, blood and hair of Pakistani children for 99 cents. The other six months prices would be raised so high, children would be forced to work as greeters. And prostitutes.
8. Wthout the FDA, “Big Pharma” would manufacture diseases and sell useless, treatments no one could afford at the Wal-Mart pharmacy.
9. Without welfare, “Big Business” will forbid charity and “the poor” would die on your doorstep while you sit in your mansion masturbating to the 24 hour Ayn Rand television channel.
10. Withouth the DOE and teacher’s unions, teachers would be unemployed. Any existing teachers would be shot at by all of the cancerous heroin addicted children issued guns by “big gun” at Wal-Mart.
11. Without the Department of the Interior, roads would only be availble to rich white people and would be paved over the poor using the bones of the aged as filler.
12. Without the TSA, planes would explode upon departure, or landing, depending on the in-flight movie.
13. Without the FAA, airlines would conspire to every plane that didn’t crash arrive 2 hours late. All meals would contain e-coli.
14. Without ‘the government’ there would be no firefighters or police. Only rich white men would have protection, mainly because they would be the only people with roads.
15. Without labor laws, women’s job interviews would consist of gang-rape conducted by Wall Street and Wal-Mart executives. The handicapped would be kicked in the teeth and mocked during skits at company picnics. Lots of general rape, no lunches and the term ‘work week’ would be replaced by ‘work month’.
16. Without minimum wage laws, employers (Wal-Mart) would throw a twenty dollar bill into a room every month and laugh as employees fought to the death for pay. The winning employee would then be fined twenty-five dollars for damages and raped if female.
17. Without a strong U.S. military presence in every country in the world, those countries without a strong U.S. military presence would be plagued by war.
18. Without Social Security, you will sit in your house watching snuff movies while your grandmother dies on your doorstep.
19. Without an enormous percentage of the budget going towards “defense” the word “defense” would mean “defense”.
20. Without tough, tough, tough, tough drug laws, everyone would be high all the time; especially children because of the forced prostitution to pay for their parents’ drugs.
21. Without the FDA, “big pharma” would never innovate and make bloated, unrealistic claims about their products and there would be not be one effective medication and we would die from eating radiation poop pork in exploding aircraft piloted by children, sick and dying from their bullet injuries and child porn rapes.
22. Without the FDA, shady supplement and quack medicine manufacturers could make bloated, unrealistic claims about their products. Oh. Wait.
I’m trying to understand this:
In 2008, the wise, progressive and super-smart voters of California, voted AGAINST gay marriage and FOR Barack Obama.
In 2012, the cousin-fucking, retarded, banjo-playing idiots of North Carolina voted AGAINST gay marriage.
In 2012, the president of the United States voiced his support for gay marriage. May ninth, 2012. Not when he was campaigning. Not when he was a community organizer. Never before in his public life has our current president ever said “Yeah, people who love each other should be treated like everyone else by the government. They should be able to get a permit from the government to… um… love each other… or something. They should be treated equally.”
He said this today. In 2012. The first time.
But the people in North Carolina who decided to vote are ignorant, cousin-fucking retards and our 49 year old president is a hero because at 49, he has said in public that everyone should be treated equally.
Please explain this to me. I am not getting this.
Today’s Two Minutes of Hate: The Voters of North Carolina. Let’s all scream at them at the top of our Facebook lungs for two minutes, shall we?
I received an email by mistake… well maybe it WASN’T A MISTAKE!!! MAYBE IT WAS THE GAZE!?!?!
What the hell am I talking about?
I’m talking about a genius, people. I’m talking about a charlatan who doesn’t even fucking talk. He “gazes”. People pay to stare.
Here, you’ll get to see an actress getting an opportunity to cry on camera:
He’s a genius.
Since he says nothing, he makes no claims. All of the claims are made by his followers. He just stands there while other people collect the cash.
Holy fucking shit, people. Holy, fucking genius fucking charlatan shit.
I can’t stop!!!
WARNING: DO NOT PIRATE BRACO! 7 SECOND RULE IN EFFECT! DO NOT PIRATE BRACO!!!
Hey good people of earth… I have a project for you. I know I’m not supposed to question these things but…
As a new parent, I’ve heard many horror stories about how kids die. Specifically, these two:
1) Drowing in the toilet and
B) Smothered by a sleeping parent.
I’ve done extensive google-ing and the only toilet drownings are parents murdering their kids by drowning them in the toilet. I’ve located one article about a parent smothering their child (this is really tough to write… sheesh). But not one article about accidental toilet drowning or parental smothering.
One woman who way into Facebook neglected a kid in the bathtub, but I don’t find a child drowning in the bathtub to be much of an extraordinary claim.
There are plenty of articles about kids being killed by the family dog or falling down stairs, but that’s it.
If you search you will find many articles with people saying that these things happen but with not one source attribution.
Regarding the smothering, a friend online said “it happens every day” and someone closely associated with the baby cult we’re in said something similar regarding toilet drownings. “It happens all the time. It’s horrible.”
I think it’s a myth. As parents, we have plenty of horrible crap to worry about. I’d like to reduce the millions of things to worry about by two. It’s the “Big Toilet Seat Lock” industry perpetrating their evil corporatism upon us!!! Either that or just well-meaning people wanting to protect children.
The “Gluten Allergy” seems to be all the rage among the hipsters in the world. My favorite podcast, Skeptoid, takes a look at what Gluten is and what the *real* allergy to Gluten consists of. The important thing about diets to remember is that once you become conscious of what you are eating, you eat less. Period. The way to lose weight is to ingest fewer calories and exercise more. Next caller.
Also, never buy a house.
I haven’t been listening as I should… as I promised both of you. Please forgive me. I either miss GB because I go in later than usual or listen to music or talk to myself.
But, I finally listened a couple days ago and he seems to have rounded a corner since the rally. He talked about god answering prayers and that “the very gates of hell” are going to open up.
He still hasn’t said anything evil. He’s just talking about stupid religious stuff. I’m sure lots of the people who think he’s evil talk about stupid religious stuff. I will use broad strokes here and posit that since most of the people who hate him are on “the left”, they don’t go to “church” but do that thing that’s even worse which is call themselves “spiritual”. I prefer people who make a commitment to an ideal. Even if it’s so invisible as to not exist at all.
I respect fundamentalists christians more than someone who breathes a cleansing orange light into their heart chakra at a weekly yoga class. If you’re a fundamentalist who has actually studied, then you’re not a lazy know-it-all like the light-breathers.
It’s the same concept I apply to heroin addicts vs. wine drinkers. I don’t want to hang out with either one, but the heroin addict sure does make a commitment: “I want to get so high, I can’t feel anything” as opposed to the wine drinker: “Oh, dear no, the alcohol is secondary… I love the bouquet on this vintage… blah blah blah…” Liar.
Speaking of respect. It’s been a bad year for the show biz. So bad that both of us are losing our SAG health coverage.I put the word out among friends that I had very little time to earn $7k before we were kicked to the curb.
Only one friend came through and he came through in spades.
Thank you, old friend.
No, I’m not Jada Pinko Smith and the Wicked Lester or Jester numetal band.
Comedy from the Golf Movie:
I owe a write-up of “TAM7 – The Luckiest Tam” and will get right on that.
I laid out a bunch of calm and logical points for a friend of mine who had seemed to be listening about why a vote for the obama/mccain ticket is rotten. One of her replies was ranting, spewing hatred for palin. I pointed that out and I’ve attached her reply
I totally get that palin’s religious shit is shit, but the level of intellect among these “intellectuals” is breaking me.
I suppose that they are thinking that there is an acceptable level of religious hogwash. Comparing Obama to Jesus is okay, but the fact that Palin has a principled (yet moronic) view about the bible is bad.
This classism… The idea that one of the reasons she’s an idiot is because she’s from Alaska is disgusting. The population of Alaska “100,000 more than Oklahoma City…” manages to sneer at Oklahoma, too. Why not 100,000 more than Cambridge? It’s buying in to Penn’s point about the attitude that there can’t be any intelligent people between NYC and L.A. All of those stupid, engineers, computer programmers, doctors, lawyers. They’re all retards, but the ones who live from development deal to development deal writing crap that fewer and fewer people care about… well, we’re all geniuses, I tell you. They don’t have masters degrees in Art History and Poetry, they’re just stupid a-holes who work in hospitals and labs. Too bad they’ve never written for Family Guy or had a video on The Jon Stewart Show, the dumbfucks.
I used to talk to friends about this fascinating thought experiment regarding kiddie porn. ( they show murders and rapes on the news and it’s perfectly legal. why is the record of the crime of child molestation illegal?) I stopped because it would devolve into me having to reassure the other person that I was not, in fact, hoping to have some extra special alone time with their kids.
Now I have to reassure people that I’m not a republican, either. It’s gross.
So, she sends me this video of these two people singing a “funny song” about sarah palin. complete with “we’re doomed” and threats to move to canaduh if mccain wins.
I’m done. You guys win.
From: dean’s anonymous friend
Date: October 17, 2008 6:52:28 PM PDT
To: dean cameron
Subject: Fwd: Hey, Sarah Palin
Okay, here are some more reasons.
I’m going to sit down and ponder this question: Why the vehement hatred when it comes to Sarah Palin. I will ponder it in my usual brain vomit way when I have some quiet time to think.
but here’s a good start.
1st off: The bride has started an awesome blog called “Rational Moms” (no, but we’re trying) and you can read all the rational awesomeness at rationalmoms.com.
2nd off: Though nothing is ever certain, I’m told that the song I co-wrote with Russ Parrish has made the Steel (Metal Skool, Metal Shop Danger Kitty) Panther record. I’m sure they’re just telling me this to be nice and will let me know later that the record company changed their mind and it’s not going to be on the record but sorry dude we really wanted it on there but you know how it goes. For this pessimistic reason, I remain cautious. That will be the 4th song I’ve ever had on a record. Pretty nifty.
So that’s that…
For the past three weeks, I’ve been acting in a movie called Par-Fection: The Golf Movie aka Dean sure hopes they change the fucking title. An old friend, Drew Rosenberg, was hoping to get Eric Stoltz and me to play a pair of evil plastic surgeons who… well the plot is quite convoluted and byzantine, but for various reasons, we end up putting a young guy under to give him breast implants against his will.
Well, Eric passed on it and drew was in for a penny, so she got stuck with me. I think it worked out quite well, though. I tried to get Rod Maclachlan, Lorenzo Poindexter or Stuart Fratkin the gig as the other guy, but she found a guy named Christopher Showerman. We had a splendid time and I think that Chris and I had a nice thing going. We attempted to add an enormous level of homo-erotic subtext to the parts and, well, I’m pretty sure it’s inescapable.
Happily, there were a few truly wonderful things about the experience…
One of the things that has bummed me out so much about having almost had a really successful career in showbiz was the realization that the parts I *do* get are small and I’m destined for nothing but double digits on the call sheet… i’ll never get another lead role in anything. They’ll all be “cameos” which is simply a nice way of saying shitty little bone of a part. As #3 on the Golf Movie call sheet, I was happily proven wrong. As a skeptic, I love being proven wrong and this was no exception at all!!
More importantly, much of the cast and crew were literally children way back when I was on the map and they’d all grown up watching my youth on cable. It made them happy. I had a very nice Sullivan’s Travels experience learning that even though I’m probably going to be, as the The Movie Channel promo was so nice to point out, a footnote in the history of showbiz, there are people who have been affected & effected (but not impacted, damn it!!!) by the stuff I had done. I’ve always been aware of it, but for some reason, it sunk in during this experience. One of the leads told me one of the reasons he’s an actor is because of Summer School.
I’ve always enjoyed working with female directors, too. The lack of on set dick waving is really nice and allows one to do work instead of see who is smarter, cooler, richer or whatever. Director as mother is better than director as general. Working, even if it’s a stupid fucking golf movie about a guy who gets tits against his will, is already an internal battle. It’s nice to not have one going on externally, ass well.
I also got to go out of town for an extended period of time to a beautiful place called Borrego Springs. Yes, it was almost as hot as the surface of the sun, but the room sure was nice and the desert is so lovely during the late summer. Shooting was at the resort where we were staying, so I’d finish my day, walk to my room, change and be standing in the pool within 10 minutes of wrap.
The bride was able to come out and hang so that kept me from missing her and getting depressed.
Mainly, I didn’t beat the shit out of myself. I was rusty on my first day and encountered some memorization issues, but after that nightmare, it clicked in and I was able to do stuff I wanted to do. I kept feeling a hammy/mugging urge and was able to resist it for the most part, though some hacky shit managed to shit its way out of me, I’m sure. Perhaps the stuff that I’m hoping is “good” is boring. Dunno. I was attempting to simply let my inner conniving prick ooze out. We’ll see.
It was a good time. I was #3 on the call sheet. How cool is that?