A couple o’ things: has launched.

It’s me rambling aboot stuff while navigating raising a kid as an atheist, heart freedom-loving dad. I try not to take myself too seriously, but sometimes I really ought to. I do that at

The bride and I took the lad to his first 4th Of July fireworks display yesterday. We had a wonderful day in general, having begun at a party at the home of some people from P.E.T. class. The bride has been slammed at work, so it was nice for her to just sit and chat with people.

Regarding fireworks displays though, this is how I think they should be done:

It would be sooooo much cooler!!!

Devastating Budget Cuts

Today I received email propaganda from my local congressperson about the “Devastating Budget Cuts” regarding the latest sky is falling brouhaha that’s going on in the city that shall not be named.

In the very same email, asthma he talked about how he opened two new offices.

I wrote him back congratulating him on being able to open two new offices in the face of “devastating budget cuts”.

One of those grandma lists

Here’s one of those lists that your grandmother sent you that first week she figured out email.

Without You, I Would Die

1. Without the USDA, Americans would be eating food laced with feces because farmers don’t know how to grow food, or “Big Agra” would force us to eat meat infested with the poop from genetically modified super-rats bred in a nuclear reactor.

2. Without the FAA, Boeing would have a monopoly on airplanes and all airlines would let drunken pilots fly rickety planes.

3. Without labor laws and labor unions, those planes would be manufactured in freezing (in winter) and sweltering (in summer) factories by 10 year child prostitutes earning fifty cents a week while their homeless, unemployed parents fought each other in the streets for coal and radiated rat meat.

4. Without the FCC, the lucky winner of a weekly child-porn-snuff-gameshow broadcast on a fundamentalist Christian pedophile network would be chosen to fly all of the nation’s airplanes.

5. Without the DOE, only the children of Wall Street and Wal-Mart executives would be allowed to attend schools where the curriculum would be crack-smoking, bible study and “non-whites are bad and lie about global warming” taught by anti-government Atheist Christian Islamic child molestors.

6. Without drug laws, labor laws and the FCC, Wal-Mart would force heroin and crack addicted children to compete in televised duels for the opportunity to be crack whores or pilot unsafe airplanes.

7. Without anti-trust laws, Wal-Mart would be the only store. Half of the year they would only sell products made from the skin, blood and hair of Pakistani children for 99 cents. The other six months prices would be raised so high, children would be forced to work as greeters. And prostitutes.

8. Wthout the FDA, “Big Pharma” would manufacture diseases and sell useless, treatments no one could afford at the Wal-Mart pharmacy.

9. Without welfare, “Big Business” will forbid charity and “the poor” would die on your doorstep while you sit in your mansion masturbating to the 24 hour Ayn Rand television channel.

10. Withouth the DOE and teacher’s unions, teachers would be unemployed. Any existing teachers would be shot at by all of the cancerous heroin addicted children issued guns by “big gun” at Wal-Mart.

11. Without the Department of the Interior, roads would only be availble to rich white people and would be paved over the poor using the bones of the aged as filler.

12. Without the TSA, planes would explode upon departure, or landing, depending on the in-flight movie.

13. Without the FAA, airlines would conspire to every plane that didn’t crash arrive 2 hours late. All meals would contain e-coli.

14. Without ‘the government’ there would be no firefighters or police. Only rich white men would have protection, mainly because they would be the only people with roads.

15. Without labor laws, women’s job interviews would consist of gang-rape conducted by Wall Street and Wal-Mart executives. The handicapped would be kicked in the teeth and mocked during skits at company picnics. Lots of general rape, no lunches and the term ‘work week’ would be replaced by ‘work month’.

16. Without minimum wage laws, employers (Wal-Mart) would throw a twenty dollar bill into a room every month and laugh as employees fought to the death for pay. The winning employee would then be fined twenty-five dollars for damages and raped if female.

17. Without a strong U.S. military presence in every country in the world, those countries without a strong U.S. military presence would be plagued by war.

18. Without Social Security, you will sit in your house watching snuff movies while your grandmother dies on your doorstep.

19. Without an enormous percentage of the budget going towards “defense” the word “defense” would mean “defense”.

20. Without tough, tough, tough, tough drug laws, everyone would be high all the time; especially children because of the forced prostitution to pay for their parents’ drugs.

21. Without the FDA, “big pharma” would never innovate and make bloated, unrealistic claims about their products and there would be not be one effective medication and we would die from eating radiation poop pork in exploding aircraft piloted by children, sick and dying from their bullet injuries and child porn rapes.

22. Without the FDA, shady supplement and quack medicine manufacturers could make bloated, unrealistic claims about their products. Oh. Wait.

This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need to get ahead! is me talking about my favorite subject: Me!

There were some *minor* technical difficulties because I failed to let them know I had Skype so… whatever. It’s ME. What more would you possibly want?
He has modestly removed the six zeroes from the total views. Not only does he say very nice things about me and acts like he has ever seen Hollywood Palms, Migraine
but he pimps the Bill of Rights – Security Edition.

[youtube FqUCcMqaYP4]

(cross posting this to & woohoo!)

me, me, me, me, me and then some of me is me talking about my favorite subject: Me!

There were some *minor* technical difficulties because I failed to let them know I had Skype so… whatever. It’s ME. What more would you possibly want?

Who thinks I should do my own podcast?

You Blew It, America…

I’ve gushed about Scott Horton from Like Penn Jillette, thumb his superpower is the deeply eloquent rant. When I get passionate and angry about things I care about, I begin stammering even more and don’t help whatever cause I am attempting to stand up for.

Penn and this Scott Horton fellow, are able to say the most extraordinary and succint things about the subject they happen to be ranting about.

It’s genius.

So… A few weeks ago, I’m listening to and Scott Horton unleashes a rant about Ron Paul vs. the other presidential candidates that was so wonderful I could almost not believe it.

I scrambled to track it down and, like the stalker I’ve become, have transcribed it here for you to scoff at because it is idealistic and passionate and we all know that those are two qualities that we have no use for, right?


Without further dodo… Scott Horton on a beautiful rant.

The audio is here:

“We had such ample opportunity to blow it.
It’s like when I was a kid and they said well, if you never hear of xtianity, and never had opportunity to be converted to xtianity then you don’t go to hell forever.

So my thing was – Isn’t it kind of unfair to travel to hither and yon and go to strange places and mention xtianity to people where it’s not likely to take but it’s likely to go ahead and condemn them to an eternity of hell fire of damnations because they did not convert when they had the chance but didn’t take.

that’s what this is, too:

Ron Paul’s run is just making the American people so much more guilty of the most heinous sins, man.

You just…

You had two chances.

Two, giant you know… silver, golden platter chances

Peace. Bring the troops home. Close the bases around the world. Bring ’em home. Put the navy on our shores pointed out. And just leave ’em there.

We could be a normal country in a normal time.
We could end the empire.
We could end NATO.
We could let the people of the world make it their own way the best they can the same as we’re trying to make it ours.

We can do that!

We can re-instate our bill of rights.
We can get rid of these free speech zones.
We can get rid of the persecution of bradley manning.
We can get rid of all the people awaiting military tribunals or maybe none at all if our government doesn’t think that they can even win at a military tribunal.

And get rid of all drone assassinations. And all of the rest of the violations… all of our the… national security agency spying on us and all the PATRIOT ACT and all. We can get rid of all of that.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

And Ron Paul he walks the walk. You can look it up: the Freedom Agenda Act of 2007 repeals all of it. The whole 21st century national security police state: Gone.

The authorization to wage war in Afghanistan and all the domestic police state stuff, too. Abolish homeland security. Abolish the TSA. It doesn’t have to be this way.


We don’t have to just keep printing money until the gov’t… and the… well, until the division of labor in the markets in our society completely fall apart and people starve. Which is the way we’re going.

Um all they know how to do is just keep printing money. And that’s one thing he knows better than them – is how to stop.

And the path we’re on – it’s trouble. You can only borrow so much and then you can only print so much new money to buy that debt that you created before people start questioning it.

Too much. Too often. Too many people in too many places all in the same day.

And wait a minute: do we really have faith in the full faith and credit of the u.s. Government to pay us off in dollars that are worth anything when we buy this debt.


That’s the way we’re headed. Like argentina. Like weimar germany.

…and here you had every chance to convert to liberty. And you blew it america.
You blew it.”

Now I Understand

I’m trying to understand this:

In 2008, look the wise, progressive and super-smart voters of California, voted AGAINST gay marriage and FOR Barack Obama.

In 2012, the cousin-fucking, retarded, banjo-playing idiots of North Carolina voted AGAINST gay marriage.

In 2012, the president of the United States voiced his support for gay marriage. May ninth, 2012. Not when he was campaigning. Not when he was a community organizer. Never before in his public life has our current president ever said “Yeah, people who love each other should be treated like everyone else by the government. They should be able to get a permit from the government to… um… love each other… or something. They should be treated equally.”

He said this today. In 2012. The first time.

But the people in North Carolina who decided to vote are ignorant, cousin-fucking retards and our 49 year old president is a hero because at 49, he has said in public that everyone should be treated equally.

Please explain this to me. I am not getting this.

Today’s Two Minutes of Hate: The Voters of North Carolina. Let’s all scream at them at the top of our Facebook lungs for two minutes, shall we?

My newest crush

People like me who support Ron Paul have now been completely marginalized by the media. We are a punchline to a joke told while laughing behind hands, mind right? The arguments for liberty and freedom are met with “get real” at the least and “you’re a racist” at the most.

So today, information pills Scott Horton, cystitis (my newest man-crush from & antiwar radio) while talking about how Rachel Maddow is a fool and a shill for our most recent demagogue dipshit president in a long line of demagogue dipshit presidents summed up exactly what this marginalization of Ron Paul will cost us:

With Romney “chosen” as the candidate of “the right”, Obama will happily try to OUT-HUEVO Romney. “I’m a badass, too, motherfuckers!!” Obama will now be running to the right on war and gleefully claim that he is just as tough as Romney and has no problem sending troops in anywhere someone so much as looks angrily at an American flag.

The war begun by the previous demagogue is going on a decade, right? No sign of letting up. A friend of mine who was way into the attack on Iraq has a son who is going to be able to serve in another ten years. It’s a frighteningly short 16 years until Duncan is eligible to “serve his country”.

So yeah, you got to ‘make history’ somehow and elect someone who has no moral center. Clinton, who would say and do anything to get elected at least had a point of view. Obama’s only point of view is to stay in power. Good. You got him. He’ll have another term.

Meanwhile, the guy who ran on a platform of silliness like peace, personal responsibility and inalienable rights is a fool and a racist.

Let’s roll!

Further adventures in cat herding

So, about it I’m looking around on iTunes and I locate a Libertarian podcast that seems really cool. As a matter of fact, traumatologist it is. It is deeply cool. I will try to be general. A guy who spent some time in showbiz and a friend of his. One of them is close to my age and the other is quite a bit younger.

Both of them are reallllllly well spoken and can get to the heart of an issue so beautifully and succinctly. Truly impressive. It’s on the level of Skeptics’ Guide To The Universe (before the political correctness ruined it) and, like SGTU, is mainly positive in the approach. Many Libertarian podcasts are negative and whiny or just plain combative. I understand why. It’s fun to whine and complain sometimes, but it’s tiresome and doesn’t win any new ears. These guys are funny and cool and it was really great to hear.

So, I fire off an email to one of ’em saying how much I enjoyed it and the positive spin, etc. I briefly explain my Bill of Rights – Security Edition cards and aks for a mailing address as I figure they might appreciate the cards.

I get an email back saying… and I block quote:

I appreciate the offer of some Bill of Rights cards, but we are into Natural Rights, have kind of passed beyond being Constitutionalists, so wouldn’t hand them out. I also don’t fly, so won’t be going through any airport metal detectors.

He did say it was “a good idea” and signed off with the internet version of “have a nice day” which is “thanks!”. (I think I’ve written about that somewhere else. “Thanks!” with the exclamation point generally means “FUCK OFF” and specifically means “I don’t want to appear aggressive with you, but I don’t want you to think we’re friends, but I don’t want to get into any sort of argument with you as you are not worth my time so I will write “thanks” with an exclamation point to appear nice.” It’s a big emoticon for FORCED ANGRY SMILE.)

Before ending the letter, he said, and I block quote:

Please turn some folks onto [our podcast]. If you’re into handing things out, we have some printable handbills, here: ]

and was nice enough to give me the url to the handbills I would be lucky enough to hand out. Because that’s what I’m into.

Then he pitched me some online SEO course he wrote.


I wrote back something equally condescending and sent further correspondence to spam.

This is why the people who are so intimidated by Ron Paul and freedom lovers like us have nothing to worry about: We are complete social retards.

Happy Anniversary America!!!

Rocktober 26th is the 10th anniversary of the USA PATRIOT ACT. Let’s stand up and cheer for that, disease shall we?

Or how about hanging our heads in shame. That’s the day that citizens and politicians went bonkers and passed laws limiting the freedom of citizens in the name of security. A concept that the founders of this country were opposed to.

The fine folks at Downsize DC are pushing for the repeal of the USA PATRIOT ACT.

It doesn’t matter that it’s wildly unconstitutional. It doesn’t matter that it was passed in haste with no one actually reading the thing.

What matters is that it’s wrong. Plain and simple. Allowing a government to spy on its citizens is wrong. Incarceration without a trial is wrong. Right? Right.

I urge you to visit them.

Here’s my letter to my reps:

Subject: Repeal the Patriot Act

I want the Patriot Act repealed.

I know that everyone was all fired up to “do something” after the World Trade Center was destroyed by religious people, viagra but now we all know that the USA PATRIOT ACT was a very bad idea.

The beautiful thing about laws in a free country like ours is that they can be repealed! Right? Right!

Here’s your chance to make history and do something good.

Trash it. Throw it away and don’t look back. The rights that have been violated in the name of “security” over the last ten years beg you. (figuratively, side effects of course… i’m not a complete nut!)

I dare you to do the right thing. C’mon. Come on!

Mr. dean eikleberry
xxxx x xxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxx
burbank, CA 91505

The campaign used to send this message can be found here:

I dare you to do the right thing.

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